Tampilkan postingan dengan label Missouri. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label Missouri. Tampilkan semua postingan
Selasa, 06 Juni 2017
Moms Make it Work Amy from Missouri
Today Amy is posting for the Moms Make it Work series, and she is (yet another!) one of my 'wedding planning in St. Louis' friends from way back in 2006-2007. I reached out to Amy, just like I did for Lauren and Mary, knowing that she doesn't blog anymore but I still wanted her voice on this series. She works full time as a social worker for children and I know she juggles her roles along with the most put-together mamas, even if Amy thinks she isn't always 'making it work.' Ha! I loved her honesty on this topic and her sweet boys made it even better. Thanks so much, Amy!
Hi! I'm Amy, wife to Blake and mom to Brady (4) and Bennett (sigh, he'll be two in June!) I occasionally blog at Motherhood Imperfected (I REALLY miss blogging!) and have a little Instagram obsession (@amyandblake)
I'm excited that Julia asked me to be a part of this series but I'll be honest, there are some days I'm pretty sure I’m not even close to making it work! Ha!! I've loved reading each post in this series and I wish it had been around when I was a new mother, navigating through this next step of my life.
What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And now where are you
I'm a MIZZOU alum (Go Tigers!) and graduated with a BA in Human Development and Family Studies. Currently, I work full time as a social worker for children (and some adults too) with developmental disabilities. I have been at my current job almost 7 and a half years and saying that almost hurts, ha! In 2009, I married Blake and we settled into married life nicely.
As far as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a mom and I can tell you the moment I laid eyes on each of my kids, I knew motherhood was meant for me. Brady was born in October 2009 and and life hasn't slowed down since. Brady had a lovely case of colic/reflux and had what my Dr. called, ‘big personality’ and has rocked that title ever since!
Yes that's Vaseline.
Just so you know, peanut butter is the only thing that took that out of his hair.
In June 2012, Bennett was born and is the polar opposite of his brother. When he was five weeks old, we found out he had mild congenital hypothyroidism and he started taking medication for it at 12 weeks. He's a tough cookie for being such a little guy! He's my cuddle-bug and will always make you laugh.
In February, I joined a health and wellness company and my husband is actually in process of staring his own business which is very scary and exciting at the same time. I’m sure if I would write this 3 months from now, things may look a very different. Right now, Brady is in preschool three days a week and goes to the sitter where Benny goes the other two days. We leave the house anywhere from 7-730 and get home between 4:30-5:30 depending on my schedule that day. My schedule varies depending on home visits and meetings I have scheduled. Occasionally, I will have to work late but I do that only if I have to and it's rare.
What are the best parts of your situation? What are the biggest challenges?
My job is very flexible. I find because of the flexibility I’m not as stressed about missing time for sick days, doctor appointments (we tend to have more due to the thyroid issue) and school events. I've attended every single field trip at Brady’ school and I don’t plan on that changing. I also have capability to work in the field when I need to which helps if I have to pick the kids up for a doctor’s appointment and saves on my drive time.
Challenges? I’m a social worker, enough said right? The biggest struggle I find is leaving work at work. My job is never done, I’m never caught up and it’s constantly stressful. I have to make the conscious decision every day to leave the stress at work. I've done a decent job of it but Spring/Summer is my busiest ‘season’ and it’s when I struggle with it the most. I find that the long drive home, as much as I detest it, it helps me decompress from my stressful day.
My office is over 30 miles one way and it takes 45 minutes to an hour at the minimum. I also do home visits which can be a plus and a minus as it leaves me driving around a lot! On the days I’m in the office, I’m far away which as I mom, I hate. I always fear something happening and me being so far away. I’m currently in process of attempting to work from home three days a week so we'll see how that goes!
Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?
Heck no! Motherhood is by far the craziest ride I’ve ever been on and I’m sure every parent will agree! I never had a clear picture on what I would do when we had kids and I think it was because my mom stayed home with us for a while but she also worked when I was older. What shocked me most was how hard it was to balance life as a working mom! Balance amidst chaos, right?
I went back to work when Brady was nine weeks old and (after all the screaming) I was ready! The transition back to work wasn't easy and while I missed him, it was more about learning to manage this new role in life and that was harder than I ever expected. I kept thinking I wanted to be a SAHM. One day, it dawned on me that I didn't want to be a SAHM FOR Brady but I wanted it for myself. I felt like it would be easier to concentrate on only one ‘job!’ at a time. I felt like I couldn't give my family 100% and be a good employee. I felt like when I was at work, I was thinking about my kids and vice versa. I can’t say that ever goes away BUT you find ways to balance it. I think as you grow as a parent, you find more confidence in yourself and that goes a long way. I might be behind on laundry or forget to pack Brady’s lunch but I have also learned to not be so hard on myself because I’m doing the best I can.
Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?-Do you see yourself making a a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years, or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?
To be honest, absolutely not. I’m probably in the minority in this series who isn't quite in love with her job but we are working on changing that and it's scary. If his company does well, I plan on quitting to help out where he needs it and continue my side job since it's something I love to do. Ideally, I'll always work part-time. In a perfect world once my kid are in school, I will be able to take my kids to school and pick them up and not have to worry about aftercare. Our family is kind of in transition right now so it’s really hard to say where I’ll be in 5-10 years.
Tips on how you make this work for you?
I kept finding we were running so many errands on the weekends and I was over it. I wanted our weekends back so now I usually get what I need done on my lunch break (on days I actually take one!) If I can’t seem to find time during the week to do that, we run to the store on Friday's for essentials after I pick them up from school/sitter to get it out of the way.
Mornings are really hard for us. We get everything ready the night before. We recently found out that my oldest has a dairy allergy so I have to prep his food now and that add to the mix. What I found that helps most is that we have a rule. No milk, Tv or toys until everyone is dressed. Most days that helps us get out the door on time.
The house was a mess and my to-do list was insane. I picked up the kids and it was too nice out to run to the sore so I surprised them with a picnic in the park. Sometimes, I have to put aside what we 'should' do and have more fun!
Learn to say no and ask for help, even with your husband. I am a control freak and felt like I could do it all. I took on more at work than I could handle. There were times I felt overwhelmed and didn't ask for help. I just assumed my husband knew that I needed help so I've had to learn to communicate better but more importantly, STOP trying to do it all.
I'm almost embarrassed to say that this has taken me almost 4 year for me to do this. Make time for yourself. After I weaned Benny, I was struggling to get out of bed in the mornings. I was cranky, exhausted and couldn't think straight. I shrugged it off as being a busy mom of two. I had missed a ton of work due to a string of sicknesses and Benny's surgery so I put off going to see a doctor. Later on, I knew something wasn't right. My insurance required a physical for a discount on our premiums so I made an appointment. Well, guess what? There was something wrong. I had Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, which causes hypothyroidism and I needed medication. I look back and I wasn't enjoying life and feel like I missed months of my life. Needless to say, my heath is just as important as my kids and they need me healthy too. I actually have talked to two other moms this week that have had similar experiences and I know how had it is to put yourself first.
Lastly, I make time to meet with friends by scheduling it in advance so it's on the calendar and there are no excuses. Most of my friends are moms too and struggled to stay in touch. This works well for us!
How do you handle mommy guilt that comes with each role?
I can’t say I had a lot of it with Brady but after Bennett was born, I struggled a lot. I think I felt like I was already dividing my time between the boys, my husband and now work too? It didn't help that Benny was a very needy baby. I think the medication/thyroid issue played a huge part in that and he cried every.single.day and ALL day. I cried. A LOT. We just chugged through it because as a wise friend of mine says, "This too shall pass'' and it always does.
Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying home is the right choice?
I remember the anticipation. I cried and I didn't think I could do it. I’m not sure if it was because I was leaving both kids or because I took a longer leave but I took it HARD the 2nd time around. The anticipation is always worse than reality. It takes a while to get into a routine and I feel like once you get that down, it gets easier. Also, don’t let guilt eat you up. Not everyone wants to stay home or has to option and I know that guilt can be powerful . Don’t feel guilty if you don’t want to be a SAHM or if you worked hard for your degree and want to stay home. Only you can make the best choice for your family!
On the days when there's more meltdowns that I can handle or I'm struggling to get the kids out the door, I just remember, this too shall pass. I also look back at this post I wrote last year and I find that it helps keep things in perspective.
(Thanks, Amy! Find the entire MMIW series here)
On the days when there's more meltdowns that I can handle or I'm struggling to get the kids out the door, I just remember, this too shall pass. I also look back at this post I wrote last year and I find that it helps keep things in perspective.
(Thanks, Amy! Find the entire MMIW series here)
Kamis, 25 Mei 2017
Moms Make it Work Molly from Missouri
Today we are finishing up our twice per week posting for the Moms Make it Work series (tear). Don't worry, I still have plenty of posts up my sleeve/in process. I'm just dropping it down to be once per week or maybe even once every few weeks. I will put out a 'casting call' to specify the certain types of posters I'm recruiting for the next phase of the series, so sit tight! But today we have Molly from A Day in Mollywood rounding out our first phase of the series, and I've been excited to read her post since January! She was actually one of the first posters I had slated but then she was so incredibly sick with Sawyer's pregnancy, that we decided to push it back until now. Can't believe she has already had her third baby and returned to work in the meantime! Molly's post did not disappoint since she is one of the best writers in blog world (in my opinion). Enjoy!
Hey, guys! I'm super excited to be posting on Julia's blog today. I started reading her blog when I was pregnant with my second son, Brigham so that would have been winter of 2010? She was pregnant with Truman at the same time so I felt like I could somewhat relate. Not gonna lie - I was crazy jealous of her crafting and DIY skills. Oh, who am I kidding? I still am! I think I have asked her no less than five times already in the comments to please come decorate my house for me. I'm not so great at that kind of stuff.
I have been blogging for more than seven years. No idea how I have kept it up so long. But I do love to write and be creative with words so that is probably why I have stayed the course. I have really enjoyed this series because, as you'll see, I struggle weekly (daily?) with being a working mom. I am glad Julia wanted me to be a part of this awesome group of moms!
-What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And now where are you?
I started writing poetry and short stories from a very early age. I think I was six-years-old when I wrote my first short story. I was lucky in that my parents always encouraged the arts and creativity in me and my three sisters. My dad was a band director for more than forty years and so music, theater and dance were a huge part of my life because that's what I grew up around. When I left for college I had dreams of becoming a news anchor and I thought my major would be broadcast journalism. Unfortunately, due to severe depression, I did not have a good first year at college and ended up transferring and starting over the next year.
I spent three years at college in a small town and seriously could not WAIT to get out of there. The funnest thing to do was go bowling and/or drink in a fraternity's garage. Definitely not my scene. I had big dreams of moving to New York City and becoming a writer at a magazine. Nothing could or would stop me. It was going to happen. I started my last semester of college in August of 2001. But a month later, on September 11th, the US was attacked and my hopes and dreams, along with the rest of America, literally came crashing down. Suddenly being close to my family was the most important thing to me. I was in a bad relationship at the time (by the way I had never had a good relationship up to this point). But after 9/11 I really started thinking about what I wanted in a relationship. I was tired of being alone. So many people realized what love was all about that fateful day. But there I was - waiting from a call from my boyfriend - a call I never received. Not surprisingly, that relationship swiftly ended and one month later on October 11th - I went on my first date with my now husband. There was a connection from the second we met. I know it sounds cheesy but it was like something magical happened when we met. I knew we would be together from that time on.
So there went the big plans to move to NYC. I was in loooovvvvve (when it's new love you have to use lots of o's and v's, am I right ladies?) and I wasn't leaving because I really felt like he was the one! When I finally graduated with a degree in journalism I couldn't find a job. I live in Kansas City and it's not really a great place to find a job as a writer. Not to mention that the events of September 11th drastically changed the job outlook for new graduates. NO ONE was hiring. It was a really tough job market. So I started looking at other skills I had, one of which was event planning. I ended up landing my first job at an international non-profit organization headquartered out of KC managing fundraising events. I also planned weddings as my own side business. It was a lot of fun but I dreamed of the day when Naaman would finally pop the question and we could plan our own dream wedding! It took awhile because Naaman was going to school to become an RN. But the year before he was to graduate he finally got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife!
Hey, guys! I'm super excited to be posting on Julia's blog today. I started reading her blog when I was pregnant with my second son, Brigham so that would have been winter of 2010? She was pregnant with Truman at the same time so I felt like I could somewhat relate. Not gonna lie - I was crazy jealous of her crafting and DIY skills. Oh, who am I kidding? I still am! I think I have asked her no less than five times already in the comments to please come decorate my house for me. I'm not so great at that kind of stuff.
I have been blogging for more than seven years. No idea how I have kept it up so long. But I do love to write and be creative with words so that is probably why I have stayed the course. I have really enjoyed this series because, as you'll see, I struggle weekly (daily?) with being a working mom. I am glad Julia wanted me to be a part of this awesome group of moms!
-What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And now where are you?
I started writing poetry and short stories from a very early age. I think I was six-years-old when I wrote my first short story. I was lucky in that my parents always encouraged the arts and creativity in me and my three sisters. My dad was a band director for more than forty years and so music, theater and dance were a huge part of my life because that's what I grew up around. When I left for college I had dreams of becoming a news anchor and I thought my major would be broadcast journalism. Unfortunately, due to severe depression, I did not have a good first year at college and ended up transferring and starting over the next year.
I spent three years at college in a small town and seriously could not WAIT to get out of there. The funnest thing to do was go bowling and/or drink in a fraternity's garage. Definitely not my scene. I had big dreams of moving to New York City and becoming a writer at a magazine. Nothing could or would stop me. It was going to happen. I started my last semester of college in August of 2001. But a month later, on September 11th, the US was attacked and my hopes and dreams, along with the rest of America, literally came crashing down. Suddenly being close to my family was the most important thing to me. I was in a bad relationship at the time (by the way I had never had a good relationship up to this point). But after 9/11 I really started thinking about what I wanted in a relationship. I was tired of being alone. So many people realized what love was all about that fateful day. But there I was - waiting from a call from my boyfriend - a call I never received. Not surprisingly, that relationship swiftly ended and one month later on October 11th - I went on my first date with my now husband. There was a connection from the second we met. I know it sounds cheesy but it was like something magical happened when we met. I knew we would be together from that time on.
So there went the big plans to move to NYC. I was in loooovvvvve (when it's new love you have to use lots of o's and v's, am I right ladies?) and I wasn't leaving because I really felt like he was the one! When I finally graduated with a degree in journalism I couldn't find a job. I live in Kansas City and it's not really a great place to find a job as a writer. Not to mention that the events of September 11th drastically changed the job outlook for new graduates. NO ONE was hiring. It was a really tough job market. So I started looking at other skills I had, one of which was event planning. I ended up landing my first job at an international non-profit organization headquartered out of KC managing fundraising events. I also planned weddings as my own side business. It was a lot of fun but I dreamed of the day when Naaman would finally pop the question and we could plan our own dream wedding! It took awhile because Naaman was going to school to become an RN. But the year before he was to graduate he finally got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife!
We were married on August 19, 2006. It was an amazingly beautiful wedding and reception and it will always be one of the best days of our lives!
-What are the best parts of your situation? What are the biggest challenges?
I work for an amazing national non-profit managing a huge event that raises $1.5 million. Yeah, no pressure ;) I have gone back and forth throughout the years, trying out different careers, but I have always had a heart for the non-profit world and I love planning events! This job is fairly new for me. It is full-time and has the potential for flexible hours and work set-ups. Most of my coworkers have kids and understand how challenging it can be to be a working parent. So that's definitely a plus! I look forward to getting my footing in this new position. My coworkers all work four 10-hour days instead of five days a week. I haven't figured out how to make that work yet. You'll see why below! But it is definitely the plan for the future because having a four day week sounds amazing.
Challenges - oh boy - there are so many challenges right now. Most of which stem from the fact that we just added our third (and final!) child to our family in January.
-Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?
I know this might sound horrible but I was never one of those girls who felt called to be a mother. I mean, yes, I played dolls and house and I always figured I would end up with a kid or two. But I never thought much about it in high school or college. I didn't even think about it that much when Naaman and I got married. It was never a big topic of conversation for us. I figured it would come up eventually when I was in my thirties.
My mom and dad both came from very humble beginnings (my mom and dad used outhouses growing up!) but they worked hard, put themselves through college and both got masters degrees in education. My mom worked as a public school teacher until she got pregnant with me (her third daughter). She then quit to be a stay-at-home mom to us. So I grew up having my mom around for everything and I loved it. When I got home from school she was there waiting at the door to hug us and always had a snack for us. Warm cookies, anyone? I considered myself pretty darn lucky! But I never really thought about what I would choose because I honestly never thought about kids!
Naaman and I had been married for one year when baby fever unexpectedly hit me hard. We went to the hospital to visit a friend who had just had a baby. They asked if I wanted to hold her. I was so scared because I had never been around babies and she was tiny! But they put her in my arms and the rest, as they say, is history. As we left the hospital I asked Naaman when he thought we would start a family . . . I was pregnant four months later ;)
Our first son, Landon Neil was born on 08/08/08, a week before our second anniversary. Suddenly I understood what all the fuss was about. Motherhood was the most amazing thing I had ever experienced.
I'm not going to lie. I struggled A LOT with being a working mom. I was never so unhappy as the day I first went back to work. I cried so much those first few weeks. My mom took care of him his whole first year but I felt so incredibly guilty that I was not there. It hurt so much to not be there for all the milestones. I missed him so much I actually became depressed and quit my job! I just had to be with him more. My heart wasn't in my job and that's okay!
We knew we wanted to have another child however we wanted to wait a couple years. But when Landon was a year old, and right after I quit my job, we got the surprise of our lives - we were expecting again! I stayed home during my entire second pregnancy. On May 2nd, 2010 our second son, Brigham Douglas, came screaming into the world.
Being a family of four was more amazing than I ever thought it would be. But unfortunately, after staying home for ten months on one income, our finances were stretched too thin. I had to go back to work full-time when Brigham was only eight-weeks-old. This time I dealt with being a working mom much better. Although I look back now and I'm honestly not sure how I even functioned. Brigham was a very challenging baby. He never slept and was sick throughout much of his first year. We love love loved him but man, that was a rough first year! I think I survived on coffee and cat-naps at the office. Shhhh, don't tell anyone ;)
We continued as a family of four for three years until we finally decided that we were done having kids. I struggled so much with this decision because I truly wanted another baby so badly! But things started to get easier when Landon was five and Brigham was three. So I reluctantly gave in and told my husband, who was set on having only two children, that I agreed.
Can you guess what happened next? Yup . . .
Surprise! God had other plans for us and we found out we would have a third baby after all - A GIRL! Sawyer was born on January 18, 2014 and I don't know how we ever lived without her. We are all completely and utterly smitten!
The boys are such good big brothers to their little sister. And yes, I bawled my eyes out when I saw the photo below :)
This brings us up-to-date with the whole growing our family thing. Sawyer is three-months-old now and I just started a new full-time job. Yep, there are definitely challenges, for sure!
-Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?
Honestly, no. It's not. My goal during my third pregnancy was to find a job working from home. Due to blogging for so long I have a lot of experience with social media. But I could not find a stable job that paid enough working from home. When the job I have now popped up I knew I had to apply. I knew it would be stressful starting a new full-time job with three kids, especially with one so young. But the timing worked out and my boss is incredibly flexible - she has three kids too - so I feel like it's a good fit.
Naaman is an RN in the ICU at a local hospital close to home. But he is gone before the kids wake up and gets home after dinner. It sucks that he is gone for so long. And with 13-14 hour days that means that daycare drop-off and pick-up is always my responsibility. I get the kids ready in the morning, pick them up and have to get dinner on the table.
It is our hope that Naaman can soon go back to school to get his masters in hospital administration. We hope that someday he will have a more regular schedule. But he works 3-4 days a week so he is home to take care of the kids twice a week! He loves his job as a nurse and we are so grateful for the stability and flexibility that his job has afforded us throughout these years.
-Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years, or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?
I think I will be in my current job for a long time. It has great potential to be the career of a lifetime! But my ultimate dream is to write books and be a published author. If that ever happens and I am able to make a living from selling my published books I would probably leave a full-time job to pursue that dream. I would love to travel and do book readings and signings. It may not sound like a realistic goal but I am still working on it. I think it's important to keep your dreams alive even when you're a mom. I have told Landon and Brigham that I'm a writer. It's somewhat true because I do make money on my blog and I also do freelance writing for pay here and there. They know about my blog and have seen me writing on it and ask me what I'm doing. I tell them that I want to publish a book that you can buy in the store and they think that is pretty cool. Someday when their friends ask them what their mom does I want them to be able to say - my mom writes books. I think it' so important to teach them to go after their dreams no matter what they might be.
-Tips on how you make this work for you?
I'm gonna be really honest and tell you that I am still figuring this whole parenting/working thing out. I think life is a work in progress. One day I wake up and I feel ready and everything goes as planned. The next day I wake up and everything is a hot mess. On those days you might find me hiding in the bathroom letting myself have a good cry. I fully admit that even after nearly six years as a parent, my kids can get the best of me. Our transition from two to three kids hasn't been easy. There are A LOT of behavior issues right now. I'm not one to read parenting books but I'll admit that I have downloaded a couple recently because I am a little lost as to how to deal with the boys when they absolutely refuse to listen!
But things are definitely better lately and we are getting into more of a routine. I know it will happen with time and I will get more comfortable parenting three kids. But right now we have good days and bad days as a family.
I have recently been reading a website called Aha Parenting and it has a TON of good tips on every subject of parenting you could ask for. I highly recommend it!
Also, I am not the most organized person in the world. I am a bit messy and sometimes get really overwhelmed with housekeeping. I hate doing chores. Naaman actually does most of the laundry and dishes. I know, I know. I'm kind of a domestic failure? In fact, I'm pretty certain I belong on that show "Worst Cooks in America." But I promise I don't belong on an episode of Hoarders or anything. I just didn't get the domestic gene.
But most recently we started using a website called Cozi. It's an online calendar you can share with your family. They also have an app for your phone. This way Naaman and I can communicate our work schedules. You can also put to-do lists and shopping lists on it to stay organized. It has been working amazingly well for us!
-How do you handle mommy guilt that comes with each role?
The guilt can be overwhelming sometimes. There are days when I really wish I could stay home and snuggle my new baby and my boys. There are also days that I am really glad to head to work and be productive and drink my coffee in peace! I worry daily about how being away will affect my kids. But I also know that we have an amazing preschool taking care of and teaching our boys. It boggles my mind when people will say that we have strangers raising our kids. I mean, yes, they were strangers when we first met them. But these teachers have now watched our kids for three years! I assure you, they are NOT strangers to us. They are a part of our kids' lives. They care about them, love them and teach them valuable lessons to get them ready for kindergarten. We are beyond blessed to have found a safe, loving preschool for our children. I never worry about them while they are there. So that definitely helps with the guilt! They have always gone part-time because Naaman's schedule is pretty awesome as a nurse and we have grandparents who love to help watch them.
(My favorite): Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying home is the right choice?
My advice, if you're on the fence about staying home, is to try going back to work for a little bit. The first couple of weeks is difficult but the guilt starts to lighten up a bit. Now that I've been through this I just tell myself that some days are harder than others. Maybe it sounds selfish but I love being able to go to Target and buy stuff we don't need. We also recently took our whole family to Disney World for a week. If I didn't work we couldn't do any of those fun extras. It's definitely a trade-off.
When I stayed home with Landon I enjoyed my time with him but I was also terribly worried about our finances and it put a lot of stress on our marriage for Naaman to be the only one contributing to our finances. I was constantly anxious about whether we would be able to pay our bills. Neither of us liked that feeling. So the decision for me to work is mostly financial and we're okay with that - for now.
If things need to change in the future I'm fine with that. The only constant is change! Our routine is about to change a lot when Landon starts school in August. But you've just got to roll with it. I have found that the chaos is part of the fun! How boring would life be if nothing ever changed or got challenging?! It is our challenges that make us who we are and force us to become better people.
Above all else - give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you're feeling. Becoming a mother doesn't mean we no longer have feelings! Talk it out. Get a babysitter so you can have some alone time! Go on date nights. Start a journal! Even if it's not a public blog it still helps to write things out sometimes. My blog and my readers have been some of my greatest supporters through my journey as a mom. I'm so grateful for this outlet.
I hope a look at my life as a working mom of three will help someone in the future.
(Thanks, Molly! I'm inspired! Find the rest of the MMIW series here)
Rabu, 15 Februari 2017
Moms Make it Work Lauren from Missouri
Today I am featuring Lauren in our Moms Make it Work Series, one of my original 'internet friends' from back in our wedding planning days in St. Louis. Although I miss Lauren's blog, I'm happy to follow along with her growing family on Instagram, Facebook, and emails. Super excited she agreed to write this post, since she is a little busy with a brand new baby (!). Enjoy!
Hi! My name is Lauren, and I am a 30 year old mother, wife, and 5th grade teacher. I once blogged at Live, Laugh, Love and now I just Instagram at @lhcass. My husband, Mike, and were married in 2008, welcomed our first son (Ethan) in 2011, and just had our second son (Will) only 5 weeks ago. We live in St. Louis, Missouri and enjoy spending time with our family and friends in our new home (that we are constantly updating and improving). I was so honored when Julia asked me to be a guest blogger for this series. Julia and I “met” seven years ago (really?) through an online wedding forum in St. Louis, and actually met in real-life once for a blogger’s brunch. I will say that writing for this series is definitely a bit intimidating, as I am not a witty, funny, or extremely awe-inspiring writer, like many of the ladies that have been featured. But I do feel like my working situation is somewhat unique, as I work full-time during the school year, and I am a SAHM during the summer. I get the best of both worlds, and I look forward to sharing our story.
Hi! My name is Lauren, and I am a 30 year old mother, wife, and 5th grade teacher. I once blogged at Live, Laugh, Love and now I just Instagram at @lhcass. My husband, Mike, and were married in 2008, welcomed our first son (Ethan) in 2011, and just had our second son (Will) only 5 weeks ago. We live in St. Louis, Missouri and enjoy spending time with our family and friends in our new home (that we are constantly updating and improving). I was so honored when Julia asked me to be a guest blogger for this series. Julia and I “met” seven years ago (really?) through an online wedding forum in St. Louis, and actually met in real-life once for a blogger’s brunch. I will say that writing for this series is definitely a bit intimidating, as I am not a witty, funny, or extremely awe-inspiring writer, like many of the ladies that have been featured. But I do feel like my working situation is somewhat unique, as I work full-time during the school year, and I am a SAHM during the summer. I get the best of both worlds, and I look forward to sharing our story.
What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And now where are you?
Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be a teacher. As a young child, I used to take worksheets out of the recycling bin at school, and bring them home to teach my siblings and neighbors kids. I loved to babysit, teach, and work with children, and education seemed like a perfect choice. My mom got an education degree, but stayed home with me and my siblings, and I always figured that was what I would probably do, too.
I graduated with my undergraduate degree in Elementary Education from Mizzou (University of Missouri- Columbia) in 2005. I got my first job as a 5th grade teacher, working in the district from which I attended and graduated. I started taking night classes in 2007 to work toward my Master’s Degree, thinking that one day, I would become a principal. Finally in 2010, I got my Masters in Educational Administration. After the birth of my first son in 2011, I continued taking courses and completed 30 hours of night classes to get my MA +30.
For the past 9 years, I have taught 5th grade in the same school and I really love it there. Next year, I will be teaching 2nd grade for the first time, and I cannot wait. I was feeling like I was in a professional slump, and I am looking forward to this change. I am currently enjoying my maternity leave, and will return to school for one week at the end of the year, before summer vacation.
Additionally, three months ago, I decided to become a distributor for the health and wellness company, It Works. I am looking forward to earning some extra income over the summer, while enjoying time at home with my boys. So currently, I am snuggling on the couch with my new baby, and enjoying every single minute of being home with him during my maternity leave.
-What are the best parts of your situation? What are the biggest challenges?
There are some incredible perks of being a teacher and a mother. The first (and most obvious) is summer vacation. I get to enjoy June and July with my children and those 10 weeks are absolutely incredible. I try to jam-pack them with tons of summer fun and plan to get out of the house for an activity every single day. Last summer, Ethan and I enjoyed stroller fit class, music class, a week long day camp, carousel rides on rainy days, and swimming lessons. We enjoyed many trips to our AMAZING zoo, met with friends for playdates, and swam in our neighborhood pool. During the summer, I feel like a rockstar mom. I absolutely live for summertime and I’m getting anxious for it to roll around again. Of course, it will be a bit different this year with a 3 year old and 3 month old, but we will figure it out.
There are also some challenges of being a teacher and mother. I think most people do not understand that a teacher’s job never really ends. Although I am only in my school building from 7:30-5:00, I still have hours of work to do when I get home. Emails to read and reply, papers to grade, curriculum to learn, and lessons to plan. We can’t just leave our work at school…it comes home every single night. I will say that I had to make a big change in my life when I became a mom. I had to stop. I realized working at home wasn’t an option anymore and I need to make a change, which meant being more productive at work and arriving earlier/staying later. Realizing that and making that change, was life-changing for me and my family.
-Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?
Honestly, I did not think that being a teacher would be as hard and as time consuming as it is. Education was very different when I was a child than it is today. There are many more expectations for teachers now, and along with that comes a lot more paperwork, standards, time, and stress. As a teenager and even college-student, I ultimately pictured myself as a stay-at-home-mom. But once I entered the workforce, I realized that there were many great moms in my school that make it work.
The first time around, maternity leave was VERY long. The crying, the exhaustion, the crying, the diapers, and did I mention the crying?!? It was hard for me, and I was actually really excited going back to work. That surprised me! I missed my friends, my job, and feeling “productive”. I missed getting dressed, showering regularly, and putting on makeup.
I am currently in my 5thweek of my second maternity leave, and I am LOVING every second. A non-colicky baby, endless snuggles, and a great sleeper has me suddenly thinking if I really want to go back to work. Again, this is surprising me! But in the end, I know I will go to work in August, and by that time, I will probably look forward to going back again.
Before I had children, I thought that I would be a principal. That dream is definitely on the back-burner right now. Although I can see myself ending my career as a principal, it is something that I do not want to think about until my children are grown.
-Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?
I don’t know. Although I LOVE my summer break, the school year is very stressful and I often feel overwhelmed for the 10 month school year. My daily schedule feels crazy- dropping off the boys (next year at 2 different places), working a full-day, picking up the boys, cooking dinner, eating, bath time and bedtime, then cleaning up, maybe talking to my husband, and finally falling asleep. It doesn’t leave a lot of opportunity for quality time with my family during the week, and I am usually falling into bed exhausted.
I wish that there was a part-time option within my building and school district. I feel like being home for a few days during the week would be such a wonderful balance that would leave me feeling much more relaxed and less stressed. It is hard to find the time for grocery shopping, cleaning, blogging (which is why I don’t do it anymore), errands, working out, and grading papers when all I want to do is want to spend time with your husband and little ones. I am jealous of moms that get to work part-time. I do think I would love that in my life.
-Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years, or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?
Although I may change jobs within the education system (principal, professional developer, specialist), I do not see myself completely changing career paths. Being a teacher isn’t a job, it is a career and a passion. I have spent too much time (and money) receiving advanced degrees, and I honestly can’t imagine myself doing anything else. If I make any change at all, it will be to stay home with my children for a few years, but ultimately, returning back to the classroom.
-Tips on how you make this work for you?
-Working together with my husband has been so important. For the past 2 years, he has woken early to get our son up, dressed, and fed, while I just have to focus to get myself ready for work. I really commend those mothers that are able to get themselves and their children ready and out the door on time without help. It takes a lot of planning and organization, which are two areas where I’m seriously lacking. I cook when I get home from work and dinner is ready by the time my husband is home. He cleans up the kitchen while I bathe my son(s) and he comes up to put him (them) to bed. (Since we haven’t found a rhythm or schedule with our second son only being 5 weeks, it’s hard to say what we will do in the future.)
-Spending some time each week on ME helped keep my sanity. Before I got pregnant with Will, my sister and I woke up early on Sunday mornings and went to a personal trainer. It was wonderful to get out of the house (without a diaper bag in tow) and push my physical limits to become a healthier version of me. I ended up losing 30 pounds (and of course, got pregnant)!
-Getting some friend time is also so important. During the week, I am not good at calling to chit-chat with friends. My girlfriends and I are making an effort to get together at least once a month for brunch, a girls' night, or even a sleepover to reconnect and I think it is so necessary. Even just an email chain during the week helps with feeling connected.
-Meal and menu planning and prep have been really helpful. During the school year, I like to schedule our meals for the week, so I can get right to cooking when I get home. This also saves a lot of money when grocery shopping for the week! I also go to a place called Time for Dinner in St. Louis. I make 12 meals over 2 hours that are all ready to go straight into the freezer. Add a bottle of wine while cooking and you have a great girls' night that will make the work week much easier.
-Remembering to cut myself some slack. My house is never really spotless (thank goodness I have an OCD husband that loves to clean), my 2 year old watches more Team Umizoomi than he should, I miss workouts all of the time, we aren’t eating organic, I don’t have a crafty bone in my body, and I lose my cool every now and then. I’m not perfect, but I’m doing my best. I am constantly telling myself to choose to leave the guilt behind and stop comparing myself and my family to others. I am the best mommy for my boys, and that’s all I can do.
-How do you handle mommy guilt that comes with each role?
I can honestly say that I don’t feel a lot of guilt by going to work. Of course, there have been days where I have asked myself “Why am I teaching other people’s children instead of my own?” but those days are few and far between. Because I feel like my job is incredibly important, and because I know my boys are being cared for while I work, I don’t feel too bad. I enjoy being able to contribute financially to my family, and I know that we would not be able to enjoy our current lifestyle if I didn’t go to work. I don’t want to live by a budget and I want to be able to send my kids to music lessons, soccer camp, and go on family vacations. For us, we would not be able to afford many experiences we enjoy.
-Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying home is the right choice?
I can only speak to moms going back to work outside of the home. Those first few days are hard, but honestly, the anticipation was worse for me than actually going back. If you are happy with your childcare provider, it will make all of the difference in the world. Ethan loved his in-home sitter for the first two years. Now, he adores his preschool teachers and is learning so much at school. He gets to spend 2 days a week with his grandmothers (my mom and my mother-in-law each take a day), so I feel confident that he gets all he needs during the week. Lots of love, learning, and fun. It totally makes being at work much easier.
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