Yolande

Right now we are in the thick of a kitchen and living room remodel.

Painting, sanding, sealing, building - it's been a busy few weeks at our house!

The process of home remodeling is stressful at times, but mostly exciting. I love seeing the new changes happening each day, and when the final product is eventually complete, it will look amazing. (I hope!) 

This process got me thinking about comforting communication in relationships. I've also talked about comforting communication in multiple counseling sessions recently with clients, so maybe that's why the topic is on my mind. When I say comforting communication, I'm describing the idea of desiring your partner to comfort you and their ability to offer the words of comfort you need. Love and comfort are close cousins, so it's important that both partners in a relationship are willing to give and receive comfort.

In relationship counseling, I often hear one person describe a sense of dread when the other person comes around. In healthy relationships, when your significant other walks through the door, feelings of relief, joy, and calm normally flow. If you notice that every doorknob turns feels you with anxiety, disappointment, and a desire to seek your own space, then something is off-balance. In dating relationships, this is a red flag to discuss in more depth. Why are you still dating this person if you don't enjoy their presence?

If a wedge has caused space between you and your spouse, counseling can help you overcome the negative patterns and feelings that are causing discomfort. Relationships should be comforting, not dreadful. Life will always throw stress curveballs your way. Whether you are remodeling, moving, preparing for children, or undergoing a job change, stress will find you. Ideally, your spouse should be a source of peace on your rough days. If he or she doesn't know how to best comfort you, then a professional counselor can help teach those skills during couples counseling sessions. See my tips here for choosing a marriage counselor.

There are many ways to comfort your loved ones: bringing home ice cream, pillow talk, surprise date nights, etc. Through attentive listening to the problems your significant other is describing, you'll learn how to offer comfort. As you offer each other peace and security, your relationships will deepen. 

Best wishes for comforting communication in all your relationships!