Tampilkan postingan dengan label Home. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label Home. Tampilkan semua postingan

Jumat, 21 Juli 2017

Taking a Page From the Home Birth Movement


I have written a couple of posts lately dealing with the same theme: Parental Pinch Gets Tighter, Forget "Free Range" and the Vaccine Debate and Discover the True Problem, and The Sad End to The Cat in the Hat (or The War on Parents) and I am starting to feel like I am beating a dead horse. However, a thought occurred to me the other day and I decided I really wanted to share it. The thought is that there are lessons to be taken from the home birth movement that can be applied to the current war on parenting, specifically as it relates to the "Free Range" parenting style.

Regardless of how you feel about the home birth movement, whether you are a full supporter, on the fence, or it makes you uncomfortable, the fact of the matter is the push for women to have freedom of choice in birth rests largely on the fact that the majority of low-risk births are safe and uncomplicated. The thought is, the risk is worth the reward. (If you are interested in reading about home birth some good links to some of the many, many articles on the topic can be found here, here and here as well as this interesting Master's Thesis.) The same can be applied to parenting. The risks are worth the reward.

We spend so much time saying things like, "but even one, is one too many," or the politicians' favorite, "but, as long as it prevents even one fatality then [insert whatever legal precedent you want to use to enact new restrictions] is totally justified and worth it." Here in America we are positively obsessed with reaching a zero percent mortality rate.

Guess what?

It isn't possible. We could require children to submit to 24/7 surveillance and we will still have children who die. We will still have children who are kidnapped, molested, injured. The old saying goes, where there is a will, there is a way. We can force vaccinations on everyone and there will be some that die from the vaccinations. We can throw up our hands and stop vaccinating all together, and someone will die of a "preventable" disease. We can strap every child in to a giant bubble wrap car seat, but the fact of the matter is that not every child will survive to see adulthood. We can legislate ourselves into a coma, and it still isn't ever going to happen. Reaching a zero percent mortality rate is completely unobtainable. Children are going to die, and the families will need our support, not our judgment and finger pointing. It sounds harsh, I know, but it is reality.

The Husband, reading over my shoulder just now, pointed out that this argument is much like the argument Sheldon and Leonard have on The Big Bang Theory about Leonard's surgery. Sheldon says he should not have it because he has a 1/700,000 chance of dying from general anesthesia. Leonard then says, all the more reason to have it because he has 699,999/ 700,000 chance of being fine. Sheldon then crunches the numbers which ultimately brings Leonard's chance of dying "down to a sphincter tightening 1:300."



And that is it. Can something happen to your kids if you leave your kids unattended while you run to the post office, or the bank, or the store? Yes. Can something happen if you let them walk to the park alone? Yes. Can something happen if you choose to vaccinate, or don't choose to vaccinate? Yes and yes. If we used the same number crunching gymnastics that Sheldon used, we would all be paralyzed with fear that death is lurking around every corner. But, things like that are rare, which is why they call it a freak accident. Of course, if something does happen our first instinct is to point a finger and demand to know, "where were the parents?"

Ultimately, chances are pretty darn good that they will be just fine. If you trust your kids to stay home alone for short periods of time, chances are you are right. If you feel safe enough in your neighborhood to let them walk to the park alone, you are probably right. You know your kids better than anyone, and chances are nothing bad will happen. Every choice you make for your kids carry risks and much like the cop who has to make a split second decision, you have to understand that if something does go wrong.... you will be publicly crucified. We will blame the victim, point our fingers, wring our hands, start a non-profit and demand "justice."

All that reaction really does, though, is assure that we are making parents more and more afraid. They are afraid that if they aren't watching 24/7 they won't be able to defend themselves if something happens. And something will eventually happen, to someone anyway. No one wants to be the 1 in 700,000, but it happens. Life doesn't come with guarantees.

Therefore, I say we take a page out of the home birth movement's book. Yes bad things will happen. Yes they may or may not be "preventable," but ultimately we need to make sure that parents have the right to make those calls, to take those risks, to utilize those options without fear of ridicule or legal and criminal ramifications.

Ask yourselves, do we want to bend over backwards, tying ourselves in knots trying to live in fear of the being the 1? Or do we want to make decisions based on the 699,999? I think the home birth movement has it right. Parents should educate themselves to the all the risks and choose for themselves. They should be able to make those choices without fear of legal prosecution or having their lives placed under the public microscope if they make the wrong choice. I am pretty sure losing a child is punishment enough.
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Kamis, 22 Juni 2017

Workin It Balancing Home Work Life


Today I am linking up with Shay & Erika for their Workin' It series.
Today's topic is one that is near & dear to my heart.....
Balancing Home & Work Life.
As moms, it is SO, SO, SO hard to maintain balance.
You might be working out of the home mom, work from home mom or a stay at home mom.
You might be single with no kids, you might be married with no kids, you might be a single mom.
No matter what you are, the struggle of balancing your life is hard.
I have been a mom for over 10 years and I kept working even after I had Kate. 
I have learned a lot in the past 10 years about balance.
I have failed A LOT at this & had some successes.
I am in a unique situation, because I feel like I am actually a combination of all 3.... working out of the home mom, work from home mom AND a stay at home mom.

Let me explain.  

When Kate was born 10 years ago, I was a full time 7th grade math teacher. 
After she was born, I went part time. Because I teach middle school & have my own classes, I didn't have to job share. So, I teach everyday until noon. I teach 4 classes & all 4 of my classes are before lunch. I am so incredibly thankful to my principal for letting me have this schedule.
 So, even though I work outside of the home, I am part time when I do that. 
 I have created a TON of boundaries with my teaching job to keep my teaching stuff at school.
For example, I don't bring ANY school work home to grade. 
I grade all homework, tests & projects at school.
Before I had kids, I would totally bring stuff home to grade, but after having kids, I realized I needed to keep my school stuff at school.
Everyday before I leave school, I prep the next day's lessons, catch up on school email, grade & enter things in my gradebook.
It feels so good to leave all that at school & not worry about it when I am at home.
It also feels great arriving at school in the morning having everything already prepped!

I am also a work at home mom because of my Rodan + Fields business. 
Can I just tell you what a blessing this business has been for us?
It has allowed me to stay teaching part time & not go full time.
I only spend about 15 minutes a day on my Rodan + Fields business and all of that is web based.
The time I spend on my R+F business is answering emails/texts from customers (or potential customers) who have questions about products, etc. 
Or, it is answering emails/texts from girls on my team who have questions, etc.
It is SO flexible and all you need for the business is a smart phone or a computer.
I love that Rodan + Fields ships everything to my customers so that I don't have to keep inventory.
You can work the Rodan + Fields business in the nooks & crannies of your life. 
Like I said, I spend maybe 15 minutes a day on it, which is mostly emails that I do at night after my kids are in bed.
If you are looking for something flexible & fun like this, I would LOVE to chat with you more.
It is a perfect side gig for stay at home moms or working moms!
I have girls on my team from all over the US (and in Canada).
We are launching in Australia next month!
We have some amazing March specials going on, so send me an email if you want to learn more.
melissa_larson17@yahoo.com

I also sometime feel like stay at home mom because everyday from 12pm until 3pm I am at home with Luke while the girls are at school. 
I cherish these one on one hours that I have with just him. It has been such a gift.
I have chosen to use this time to be more intential with him and not drag him around on errands, etc during this time. He is 4 years old...he doesn't want to do that!
I also love that every other week I can help out in the girls classrooms. 
My mother in law watches Luke every other week for an hour so I can volunteer and I love that I can be involved with their classes also.
I also take him to swim lessons once a week while the girls are at school.
 I love that I can have playdates with Luke & some of his friends during those 12-3 hours (I need to get better at this...poor 3rd kid who doesn't get as many playdates as his sisters did that age)


So, that is how I feel like I fit into each of those categories.
I don't completely fit in 1 of those boxes of:
Working out of the home mom,
Work from home mom or 
 Stay at home mom.
Sometimes I feel like I can be on Island of my own because of this, but I really do like my schedule even though it can be very busy and crazy sometimes. 


Here are some tips/strategies that I have incorporated over the past 10 years of being a working mom that have helped me maintain (somewhat) of an okay work/home balance:

1.  Meal Plan for the Week
Every Sunday afternoon I meal plan for the week. I LOVE meal planning our dinners for the week. I go through our fridge/freezer/pantry and make a list of things I need to get at the store. I go grocery shopping on Sunday afternoon. That way, Kevin is home to watch the kids and I don't have to drag all 3 kids to the grocery store. Because let me tell you...dragging 3 kids to the grocery store is not fun!
I can't tell you how much I love meal planning...it truly makes my weeknight dinners go so smoothly. That 4-6 time in the afternoons is SO crazy for us. Trying to get homework done, running the girls to activities, etc. Knowing that I have a plan for dinner is a lifesaver. 


2. Have Monday night's dinner prepped on Sunday night
On Sunday afternoon, I not only prep the meal we are having that night, but I also try and prep the meal we are having on Monday night. About 90% of our Monday night meals are Crock Pot meals or Instant Pot meals. On Sunday afternoon's I will dump all the ingredients into the crock pot/Instant Pot, put it in the fridge so that on Monday morning, I just pull it out of the fridge and pop the crock pot into the heating unit.
Another meal I do a majority of the time on Monday nights is my Chicken Tortilla Casserole (Recipe HERE) because you make it the night before and on Monday afternoon, I just have to pop it into the oven.
You can check out my family friendly & easy Slow Cooker/Instant Pot Recipes {HERE} and the rest of my Recipe Box is {HERE}
Another note about meal planning....when Kate was born 10 years ago, I declared that every Friday night is Pizza Night. 
I am DONE and tired by Friday night, so we have pizza at home.
It's the best!

3. Early dinner, bath, books & bedtime for the kids.
Our kids need to be in bed at a decent time each night. 
Neither Kevin or I are morning people, we are night owls. 
This means we like having the kids have an early dinner, baths(not every night), books & in bed before 7:30/8:00pm.
 Our kids do much better when they go to bed early & get a good night of sleep.
And those few hours of quiet that Kevin and I get each night are also so nice.
It's time for us to catch up on our shows or read.
Night time is also when I do my blogging, which I only do 2-3 a week (if that)

4. Pick out outfits for the next day (kids AND yourself!)
Every night, the girls and I check the weather for the week. We then pick out what they will be wearing the next day. We have a rule with our kids....they pick out their outfit the night before and they CANNOT change their mind in the morning. We set out their outfits, socks, shoes & headbands (and jackets if necessary) so that when they get up in the morning, they can get dressed right away and so there isn't a scramble in the morning searching for things.
What they pick out the night before is what they are wearing. Mornings are chaotic trying to get out the door, so no outfit changes.
Every work night I also layout my outfit/shoes/jewelry so that I am not trying to figure it out in the morning!
Sunday nights I  paint my nails so that my nails are fresh for the week :)
5. Make Lunches, Check Backpacks & Make Coffee for the next morning
Every school night, I make lunches for the girls and keep them in the fridge. This way, in the morning, I just have to take their lunch boxes & put them right into their backpacks!
Again, this is something I started doing when I was in middle school and my mom made me make my own lunches, I would make them the night before! That habit has stuck with me.
Every school afternoon, I also go through their backpacks. Sunday nights, I check through their folders, see if any paper work is due for me to turn in, see if there is anything that needs to be turned in (Fieldtrip forms, etc)
After I have checked backpacks, I set out their backpacks at the kitchen table so that after they eat breakfast, they can grab their backpack and be ready to head out the door.

We have an automatic timer on our coffee maker, so every night Kevin makes coffee and we have it set to brew in the morning. Again, mornings are chaotic trying to get everyone out the door to work  & school, so we prep the night before to make life a bit easier.
Can you tell that we are NOT morning people?!? LOL...we need everything prepped at night! 
 
6.  House picked up, dishes done & cleaning
If my house is picked up on Sunday nights, then I feel like my week is going to go so much smoother. Having 3 kids and being a working mom, the weekdays are chaotic and I don't get to clean up things and organize them much during the week. I like to start my Monday morning with a clean house. If my house doesn't get picked up on Sunday night, then it won't get picked up all week. Not having a picked up house makes me feel stressed out. I feel much more peaceful when my house is picked up.
Every night we go to bed with an empty kitchen sink. We try and get things cleaned up before we go to bed. Not always, but most of the time.
I have a house keeper come one time a month & that helps with the deep cleaning.
We also got this Roomba for Christmas and it has a timer so that it runs every morning for an hour while we are at work.  It is seriously amazing....we have a lab and when we run the Roomba each day the dog hair is a non issue! It makes our house feel so much cleaner each day.

7.  Have a Laundry schedule
I've have no advice on this. I am THE worst at laundry. I hate it. 
I save it all for the weekends, but then I get behind and it's just a disaster. 
I would LOVE laundry tips. Help!


8. Take a look at your schedule for the week on Sunday night.
Look at your calendar and see what you have going on during the week. 
Any week night meetings or things not in your normal weekly routine?
Any playdates, activities, appointments scheduled?
Make a list of things you need to get done.
I LOVE making to-do lists and write one almost everyday.
It helps me stay organized and not forget things.
9. Don't over schedule your kids.
Crazy kids schedules = crazy parents.
I think one of the things that makes parents so crazy & that we over schedule them.
Kevin and I try really hard to not do this, so we are intentional about what activities we sign our kids up for. What has worked well for our family is that we limit our kids to doing one sport at a time. Right now... Kate is in gymnastics, Claire is in basketball & Luke has swim lessons. So far, this has worked well for our family, so that we aren't rushing around going from one sporting event to another. We like to have down time as a family and margin & flexibility to do unscheduled things together.

10. You can't do it all.....Give yourself Grace.
I don't know if there is such thing as finding the perfect work/home/family balance.
I know I just gave you 9 tips to help with balance, but the reality is, there is no perfect balance.
I know even though I try, I fail miserably all the time. 
If you think someone has it all together, they probably don't.
I know I can try my best to have balance, but the truth is, I always drop the ball on at least one area of my life trying to balance it all.
For example, even though my house might be picked up & meals planned, I haven't been consistently gone running in months. 
It has been put on the back burner.
Another random example is this winter, Kevin decided this was the winter we were committing to teaching the kids how to ski, so we got season passes and have been in Tahoe almost every other weekend since Christmas. It has been a blast and even though we have had so much fun skiing as a family, our yard has suffered...we have spent barely anytime doing yard work in the backyard. It has rained so much that everything is so overgrown. We normally trim things back in January and it is almost the end of March and we are just now doing the backyard work that we should have done 2.5 months ago.
Since we haven't been home much on the weekends, I am behind on running errands...I still have extra party supplies that I never used for Kate's party that I need to return. They are sitting in bags in our garage collecting dust since January waiting for me to return them. Oops. Thank goodness Target has a 90 day return policy :)
 
It's all about Give and take. 
If you commit/focus on certain things, then it's inevitable that other things will have to take a back seat.
Something has got to give....and that is okay! 
There is a season of life for everything and sometimes thing are crazy...and that is normal.

 

So, there are 10 tips that I have to help keep the Home/Work/Life Balance.
Hopefully these tips will help you, but the most important one really is the last one.
It's what I have learned most in the past 10 years of being a working mom.
I can't do it all & I just need to give myself grace.
If I try and do it all, I will fail and my family will suffer.
I have come to accept that I can't do it all....and that is normal.
Sometimes you just have to let things go or say no....and that is okay.

I would love to hear what tips you have or things you have learned.
And for real....if you have laundry tips....let me know.
I need all the help I can get!

Read More..

Rabu, 15 Maret 2017

Moms Make it Work Courtney Stay at Home Mom in Australia


Today on the Moms Make it Work guest blogging series we have Courtney, an international reader of this blog who offered to share a bit of her life in Australia with three kids. Courtney informs me that in Australia, moms can take up to seven years of family leave (the first 18 weeks are paid) and your previous job must hold your position for you that entire time, if you decide to return to work. Amazing! Loved reading this post and I hope you do, too!


momsmakeitwork


Hi! I’m Courtney from Australia and I’m excited to be sharing with you all on Julia’s blog. You can find me on Instagram as @courtwillow.  I’m a  27 year old wife to Mathew, and a full time stay at home mum (apologies in advance for the differences you might notice in Australian spelling!!) to two handsome boys, Brock, 3, and Rafe, 10 months, and my gorgeous girl, Carter, who is 2. When Rafe was born, Brock was just 2 ½ so it’s fair to say we have been busy! 

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-What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?

I grew up in a very small country town, at the base of the ski resorts in the southern state  of Victoria, and attended University (College) about an hour away, studying a Bachelor of Education. I had always wanted to be a teacher and this particular degree trained me to be qualified from Kinder to Year 12. It was just lucky that it was so close to home. I first met my husband when he was visiting the area. He lived 5 hours away so given the distance between us we stayed friends and kept in touch and almost 8 months later, officially became a couple. After that, despite it being an almost 500 mile round trip , we only missed about 4 weekends of not seeing each other in the next 3 years while I finished my degree. I then moved to Mat’s home town, as he already owned a home here and was quite settled with his work. We still live in the same town (and house!) and are just 30 minutes from the Great Ocean Road, an amazing place to live and raise our children. I taught senior English and History at a small school, around 45 minutes from where we live. I LOVED my job, getting a senior class to teach as a graduate was unusual and I was very lucky. 

We were engaged in June 2008, the night before I was to fly to the United States to attend a teaching conference in Sacramento and were married exactly 5 years to the day we met, in April 2010 in Port Douglas, Queensland. 

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4 months before we were married, I was diagnosed with a tumor on one of my ovaries and after surgery to have the tumor and ovary removed, we were told it may prove difficult to conceive naturally and should not waste any time trying. Given that, and the fact that Mat, who at 9 nears my senior, was over 30 already, we started trying as soon as we were married. 

As luck would have it, I fell pregnant almost straight away and 9 months later, in January 2011, we welcomed our son, Brock.


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In the state we live in, teachers get 18 weeks of paid leave after having a baby plus a further 18 weeks of paid leave from the Government, so essentially about 7 months paid leave, but also have the option of taking up to 7 years of unpaid ‘family leave’ in order to have all your children, and then return to the workforce. After your family leave, your school must offer the same job back to you. (We are very lucky here 'down under!') We had already decided that I would be a stay at home mum and care for our children until they went to school, so I took the full family leave from my teaching job. 

In March 2012, we welcomed our daughter, Carter. There is exactly 14 months in age difference between the two. 


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And in July 2013, our family was completed with the arrival of Rafe. 

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-What are the best parts of your situations? What are the challenges?

For me, the best part of being home all the time is being there to see every ‘first’, every funny moment, sweet saying etc. At the end of each day when I think of all the good moments that have been had, I’m so thankful I was there to see them. There are also the perks of being able to stay in our pjs till lunch if we feel like it, and not having to rush out the door each morning. I know that as the kids start kinder and school, life outside the home is going to get so much busier so I am really cherishing the years we have right now where we are just at home.  I know that I am extremely fortunate that we are in the position where I can stay at home and we can survive on one income. 


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It does however, have its challenges, and there are weeks when I feel like running back to my teaching job and begging them to take me back! Here I am, a grown woman who can control a room of twenty hormonal and emotionally fueled teenagers, and yet I have these three little people walking all over me! There are definite days (weeks even), when the postie coming is the highlight of the day and how I would love some more adult conversation. I never thought I would be using phrases such as 'Make sure you are aiming your doodle into the toilet!!' or 'Fingers out of your nose' on a daily basis but here I am.  But as with all phases, I say to myself ‘This too shall pass’. I have the rest of my life to work and only a few short years of having babies/ small children in my home and I am going to enjoy the hell out of them. We get so many comments about their age gaps and having them so close together, if I got a dollar for every time someone said something to us I’d never have to return to work!! Some people are quite rude about their comments and we have heard plenty. A favorite would be 'Don't you have a TV?'- Yes we do! or 'Don't you know what causes it!?'- Yes! (And we like it! ) . I also get annoyed when people say I'm JUST a stay at home mum, or that 'Courtney's JUST at home with the kids'- like I'm having a big ol' holiday here and not doing a damn thing! It is really hard work having three so little but I am glad they will grow up close in age. Seeing them play and interact with each other is by far the most rewarding aspect of parenting. 


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Mat works for Australia’s biggest Ice Cream company and works a rotating shift,  so depending on the week, he will work 4 am to 12 noon12 noon to 8pm or 8pm til 4 am. Each shift has its pros and cons and I just try and make the most of having him home a lot during the day time and I know that I am very lucky in that regard. I cannot imagine how hard it is for Mums whose husbands are gone all day. Night shift is hard, especially trying to keep three kids quiet during the day so he can sleep but we try and get out of the house each morning and do jobs or visit friends etc. so I’m not sounding like a broken record yelling ‘Dad’s asleep, SSHHHHHH!!’ constantly. I try and stick to the same routine with the kids, so even with some weeks Daddy being home for breakfast and away at dinner or vice versa, things are still quite settled for them. We are very routine orientated and lunch, dinner, naps etc. are all done at the same time each day. The kids take a bath each night after dinner and are all in bed by 7. I cherish the few hours I get each night after this to wind down!! We also do swimming lessons each Monday for all three, grocery shop Tuesdays and attend a mothers group/ play group Wednesdays. Brock does little athletics on Saturday mornings as well.  

-Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?

I guess so- much harder than I thought but so much more rewarding than I could ever have possibly imagined. 

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-Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?

Probably fairly close to it. I always imagined myself being a stay at home mum, and I love it. Some extra money would always be handy but wealth is a relative term and I think the more you have, the more you want. We sacrifice a few luxuries but we make it work. We have the essentials we need and we are going away on holidays in a few months so we are doing OK!

 Mat and I are, unfortunately, both very good players at the 'Must Be Nice' game and although I love him to death, we both pull out the 'must be nice to get out of the house every day' or 'must be nice to stay home and do nothing (HA!!!) all day' cards too much. It especially hits home hard when he very occasionally uses the 'Must be nice not to have to pay any bills' one, and I would love to be able to contribute to our family financially, but at the moment it just is not going to happen.  We both know that once I am back working and we have two incomes coming in, things will get easier but me being home now is the right thing for us and our kids (and I also have to remember that 90% of the time, Mat actually doesn't want to get out of the house to go to work- he is doing it for us!).

  I would also love to live closer to my own family, but we just make the most of our special weekend trips to see them or when my parents come down to us. I am lucky to have a great set of in-laws who are just around the corner if we ever need them, and have been known to drop off milk and bread on days when everything is falling apart and getting three kids out of the house is like a Mission Impossible.  


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-Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?

I will definitely go back to teaching, in what form, however, I am not sure. I doubt I will go back to where I had been teaching prior to having Brock, as I don’t want to be 45 minutes away if something were to happen, plus having to leave home at 7 in the morning, and not return until at least 5. I would like to find something closer to home. Once the kids are in kinder/school, I will hopefully return to some part time teaching and build back into a full time role. Mat is qualified as a chef and has always had a dream to open his own café one day so that could be on the cards for us in the future too. 


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-Tips on how you make your situation work for you:

The main thing I do is to be organized. I strive on organization (to the point where I probably go overboard- just ask my husband!!) but I find if I am organized, the day flows better and everyone is happier. I am a compulsive list maker (Yes, one of those types who adds things to the list after I have already completed them, just to get the satisfaction of crossing them off that list!!) and I lay clothes out of an evening for the next day (especially if we are going out), get bags ready, meals are planned out and we have a calendar showing everything that is happening for the month.  Mat plays representative Basketball and travels a lot over the summer with that so I know weeks in advance where he will be playing and if/when I will be alone with the kids overnight. We get a lot of comments about how busy I must be with 3 under 3 but honestly, I don't know any different- this is my life, everyday, and I think if I can manage 3 kids and keep things relatively under control then I must be doing something right. I do look back to when I only had Brock, or even when we had 2 children only and think 'Man, I must have had A LOT of spare time!! '


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We also don't make any excuses for how we raise our children and for the routine we keep. There has been many a party/event that I haven't been to because it is past the kids bedtimes and I am ok with that- it is usually other people who think they have a right to comment on it. Having a routine works for us and keeps me sane and the kids respond well to it- they know what is going on each day and are always happy and ready to go off to bed each night at the same time. It also means that they get a good nights sleep each night (usually!) and wake rested and happy. We are fairly strict on the kids but we believe that by laying good foundations for behavior and expectations now, it will help us out later on. They are usually always well behaved when out and we put that down to them knowing right from wrong, from an early age. It works for us so we stick to it. 
 
-How do you handle mommy guilt?

Some days better than others, that's for sure!! There has been many a moment where I have had to sit down and have a good cry over silly things- missing my family, having a day when I have felt like I completely failed as a mum or just something not going as planned.  As I type this, the kids are watching the TV (Thank goodness for Peppa Pig!) and some days I feel like I use this as a 'baby sitter' for me to be able to get things done too much. But I try and make up for that time by using it productively, getting all my things done so that I can then sit down with them afterwards and have quality time. I would rather have them watch a half hours TV while I get stuff done, and be able to sit with them and not be worried about what needs doing, than to be hovering back and forth between jobs, not really giving them the attention they deserve. I am guilty of sometimes losing my patience, more often with Brock, and I hate when this happens. Usually when I am tired or having a bad day and I regret it almost immediately afterwards. I feel like we put a lot of expectations on Brock, because he is the oldest, and seems so much older than his years at times, and we both often have to stop and remember that this kid is only 3!

 I sometimes feel like I am not doing enough crafty/pinterest-type activities with them, but at the end of the day, they are happy, healthy and do not need expensive toys or planned activities to fulfill them.  They are at their happiest running around outside with our 8 year old Rhodesian Ridgeback dog or jumping on their trampoline. Life in Australia is pretty laid back and we tend to be outdoors a lot and the kids are very happy just to do their own thing.  I know as they (Rafe in particular, Brock and Carter are good with it, Rafe just puts everything into his mouth!) get older and more independent, it will be easier to be able to do more crafty things with them. 

There are only 24 hours in a day and I am never going to accomplish everything I would like to , so I have to be satisfied with doing little bits here and there and while my children are small, big things and time consuming jobs are going to have to wait. I have a dear friend who always says she has 'low expectations' of each day, and then doesn't get disappointed when things don't get done etc. Anything that does happen other than the usual activities (meals, nappy changes, naps)  is an added bonus and I really love her thinking. And in the end, I think I need to step back and realize that at the end of each day, I have cared for 3 very busy children, who are all healthy and happy, so I need to cut myself some slack and give a pat on the back for a job pretty well done most of the time. 

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As much as I would occasionally love to, I don't go to the salon to get my hair done, get mani's, pedi's or very rarely buy new clothes. I am lucky to get spoilt by my family on birthdays , Christmas and mothers day and I know that once I am back working these things will change so I know its not forever and I can make do without, but I have to stop myself from feeling 'guilty' sometimes when spending money on myself. It is hard to shake the feeling that because I am not earning it, I shouldn't be spending it. A happy mum is a good mum and I am trying to find a happy medium where we all get to do the things we want to/need to. I have been guilty of wearing my 'mum hat' too often and forgetting that I am also a wife, daughter and friend. It is hard juggling all these roles and although it is not getting any easier, I am getting better at spreading myself between all the people who need me. I think too often we mums look at other mums photos or posts on social media and see their fun times, and its too easy to compare what we are doing at the time (especially if it's been a bad day!!) with those and believe we are not doing good enough. Its easy to forget that more often than not, we are only seeing their highlight reel and not the behind the scenes chaos. 

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-Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying at home is the right choice?

Just do what works for YOU! We decided early on that we wanted our children cared for by me, and not by a childcare center and we are happy with our decision and support each other 100%. Whatever decision you make, it needs to be a joint one and all parties involved need to be happy. Having babies and small children  is such a small chapter in our parenting journey and just as our kids are learning the ropes of the world, we too, are learning how to be good parents. We have good days and we have bad days at home, and I know that in the blink of an eye, these little munchkins of mine are going to be off in the big wide world and not needing there Mum as much as they do now, so it is the least I can do, giving them my time for these special years, while they grow. 

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-How do meals work in your family? Meal planning? How often do you grocery shop? Who is in charge of this task in your family??

I do a big grocery shop once a fortnight, and then just restock on fresh bread, milk, fruit etc. in between. I plan out meals for the fortnight and shop accordingly. I do most of the cooking, although Mat will occasionally get in the kitchen and cook and let me tell you, as a Chef, we all appreciate his culinary skills on those nights, as it is way better than Mummy's!! Usually twice a week we will cook a big batch of steamed vegies and mashed potato so that there are vegies for the kids each night, regardless of what Mat and I are eating, and meals are generally cooked, or at least started in the mornings while Rafe naps or during his afternoon nap.

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-How do you keep your house clean? Power cleaning after bedtime? Staying out of the house as much as possible? Cleaning while kids are awake? Purging often? Cleaning schedule?

Ah, cleaning! Mat and I are both self confessed 'clean freaks' and like to live in a clean house. I cant stand walking around seeing washing laying everywhere or dirty dishes and this, my friends, as you know, is hard to get under control when you have a trio of shadows following your every move. We do a general tidy every morning, usually when Rafe is having his morning nap and I find by doing this, nothing gets too out of control. I do at least one load of washing every night to stay on top of it, and once the kids are in bed I will do a quick tidy up of toys etc.- although this is an area we are working on - trying to teach the kids that they have to tidy up after themselves. I usually do a quick sweep of floors after kids are in bed also. Mat is great at helping with the cleaning also (I have an awesome husband!!) and will pitch in , but usually I look after the inside of the house and he does the outside- lawns etc. I use nap time to get things (cleaning, cooking, washing etc.) done and find it is amazing how much you can get done in 30 minutes, rather than just sort of fluffing about all day. I try and tackle one 'big' job - bathroom, toilet, kitchen, windows etc. each day.  Having said all of this, we don't live in a display home and it is certainly lived in- we have dust and toys laying around, but it is kept tidy and I would NEVER judge another Mum on how clean (or not) her house is, this is just how we like to keep ours.

Thanks so much for allowing me to contribute Julia, I am sorry for it turning into such a long post but I hope you all enjoyed reading!
Courtney


{Thanks, Courtney! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}

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Rabu, 08 Maret 2017

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