Yolande

In my humble opinion, potty training has got to the be the hardest, most frustrating time of parenthood. I understand it doesn't work that way for everyone, but for me I have struggled with not one, not two, but three hard to train preschoolers. I would have had more children, but I waived the flag when I realized that with the time and money that I have spent training my three, I could have trained six "normal" kids. I have gathered a plethora of information on how to handle potty training parents you know who might be struggling. So here is a list of 5 helpful suggestions on what not to say to parents of late potty trainers:

1. "Oh, is she still not potty trained?.....How old is she now?" - Yes, I get it. My kid is still in diapers, thank you so very much for pointing that out to me. Furthermore, your question about age is really just a thinly veiled judgment, rude at best and insulting at worst. You and I both know by listening to her talk and the fact that she is a head taller then a normal sized two-year old clearly means she is "too old" to be in diapers. I get it. This question is in no way helpful and actually makes me feel more horrible about the situation than I already do. Don't. Just Don't!

2. "You know what worked for me..."- Trust me when I tell you that any parent whose child is over the age of 3 1/2 doesn't need to hear this. We have already Googled every method we can think of, read every book, talked to our pediatrician, experimented with strategies, and bashed our heads against the wall at least half a dozen times. There is a very high probability that the miracle solution that you are about to proffer is not something we need or want to hear. Unless specifically requested DO NOT tell me how your magic bullet was the M&M method, bare bottom drills, sticker chart, jelly bean jar, offering him something he really wants or making him want to be part of the big kids. Been there done that....now I have to go change another diaper.

3. "Well I just made them change/clean up after themselves."- Seriously? How does this even work? I attempted this method with my middle child when she was approaching four and do you know what it got me? A bathroom covered in *redacted* and a whole stinkin' (literally) load of laundry. What it did not produce, despite 4 dedicated weeks, was a potty trained child. In fact, I would pay good money to meet the child that this method actually worked on because I feel like they would be akin to a unicorn or the Loch Ness monster - pure fantasy.

4. "Well all children potty train in their own time." - This statement in itself is not actually that offensive, but it so frequently is what is proffered after the three sentences above have already been covered. They start out with, "Oh, not potty trained yet?," and move on to, "well, have you tried...?," and finish up with the lame, "well, you know, kids do things in their own time." If you want to close down an uncomfortable potty training conversation with a poor soul whose child is clearly not as advanced as your precious angel, just say something like, "I am so sorry, that sounds frustrating. I will send good thoughts your way that it is over soon."

5. "My child potty trained in X-days at X-age." - Pretty much anything along the lines of indicating that your child potty trained in 3 days at 18 months is bound to be met with jealously and resentment by anyone still having to change disturbingly large diaper disasters at the age of 4. I feel a little piece of my soul die every time I hear my almost 4 year old say, "Mommy, it is time to change me." It isn't that we don't want to celebrate your amazing success, it is just that right now, in the thick of our frustration we most likely can't dig deep enough to get past our own angst. If you know someone is struggling with potty training it is best to avoid sharing those stories with them until it is all over. Then, and only then, is it okay to say, "I felt so bad for you having to deal with that for so long, you know little Jr. only took 3 days to potty train at 18 months and it was just so easy." It is safe at that point because then we can sit quietly in our own smug superiority and think how we had to fight in the trenches and persevered. We didn't have it handed to us on a silver platter.

I hope this list has helped you. Remember, just like you can't force an anorexic to eat, you can't force a potty resistant child to "get over it" and start using the bathroom. Parents of late potty trainers are often stressed out, frustrated and just a little bit jealous- so tread carefully. We will get there too- eventually. As it is so often stated to me by others, "most kids don't go to kindergarten in diapers."

Weird, weird things, man.

Alternative titles: Is This the Twilight Zone? Is It Friday Yet? WTF? OMG! Blog Worthy! Where Is My Wine?

This week has been way too eventful for my tastes and deserves a blog post, although if you follow me on Instagram you're probably sick of me whining about the weirdness of these days. Also, since the week isn't even over yet, I worry that maybe I'm jinxing myself into having a particularly horrific day tomorrow but whatever. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully more ordinary than the rest.

Monday drama: a large bird was stuck inside of our exhaust fan in our half bathroom. I thought it was a mouse, or a rat, or a raccoon because of how gigantic and terrifying it sounded. Literally, I almost had a panic attack when I realized a critter was STUCK INSIDE OF OUR WALL, which was predictably about 15 minutes after Nate left for work in the morning. And about 10 minutes before I had to rush the kids and myself out the door for a super early morning with patients. I was a blubbering idiot with them and kept trying to keep Cecelia out of the bathroom since miss curious was bound and determined to see what the 'noi' was. Truman was near tears because 'I don't want a mouse to be in our wall' --um, yeah. Me either, buddy.

Did I mention that I have a major fear of mice running through our walls after a particularly scarring experience in Arkansas? (shudder). All I knew was that a rustling loud enough to be heard from all parts of our house was haunting my soul on this Monday morning. And I had to get the heck away from our infested house before I lost my mind.

I had a friend of Tony's named Mike meet me back at home over lunch and that is when we discovered the startlingly large beak poking out of the fan. OMG. Thankfully Mike caught the bird and set him free and I did not accidentally kill the poor creature when I turned on the fan that morning to 'scare it away from the fan'.  Nate told me to do that over the phone when I was fa-REAKing out before work. The bird's head was totally stuck in the fan by noontime but it was able to fly away properly, so I guess I didn't commit murder that day. A bird. In our wall. I can't even.

Cover is off here--do you see the beak???


(video of the nomad bird's release. HUGE)



Tuesday drama: Cecelia had her first real stomach bug and barfed all over the house three times including once down my shoulder and twice in her crib. She was completely pathetic and sick and sad all day, and had a low grade fever, too. I was a nervous wreck imagining Truman and myself coming down with the bug and made us practically bathe in sanitizer. When CC wasn't puking she was in my arms and we didn't leave the house the entire day, adding to the stir craziness of feeling germs infest one's nostrils. Is that a queasiness I feel? Did I really let her drink out of my water bottle yesterday? Will I die of dehydration from barfing while pregnant, or worse....will Truman and Nate get the bug and cause the entire world to bow to their Mutant Bug Afflicting Men?

So much laundry. So much hand washing. So much paranoia. So gross and sad. Saddest face ever.








Sorry for the mention of manly parts to my family, but this Some Ecard cracks me up and was so fitting. Wanted to post on IG but did not.




Wednesday aftershock: I stayed home with the kids in the morning because I knew I couldn't send Cecelia to Lori's, and was too afraid to put her in the van to take Truman to Lori's by himself. Barf in our brand new mini-van would have done me in. Then Nate came home at noon and I left to see my patients. Tag teaming at it's finest and it made the day feel so different and out of our normal routine. Happy we have the flexibility to make 'sick days' work like this, of course. Happy to have no puke to consider while breathing a bit of fresh air. Happy that Cecelia started to feel better this day, too.

Popsicles for breakfast this day. Duh. Still with the sick eyes.


And it was a great mail day on Wednesday. 4moms sent me some of their products to try (it never hurts to ask, apparently?!) We tried out the spout cover right away for baths and got FANTASTIC pictures showing how wonderful it was. Sarcasm. Actually, we DO love the temperature gauge a little too much and I'm happy I no longer have to stick my hand in the water constantly to see if it's too hot or too cold. Truman is especially excited about this cover because now he wont stick his feet into a scalding tub without knowing it, and he loves the colored lights. Technology is his fave, just like his daddy. But bath time in general was just a disaster that night due to one overtired little lady. Real life pictures, for sure.





Thursday drama: Record number of errands run this morning including dropping Henry off to get his teeth cleaned, a donut treat with me and the littles, library fun, mini-van wash, and a craft trip to Michaels. Then a 5 minute car nap by Cecelia which is normally no big deal, since she will usually turn over in her bed as soon as I transfer her there and sleep like there is no tomorrow. But today it spelled disaster because once we were back at home she would NOT continue to sleep. Truman happily played on the iPad a bit for a portion of his 'quiet time' but my girl who loves to nap more than two hours a stretch? Nope. Not happy and she let me know through frequent check-ins that is just wasn't happening.

This card is funny but not right now. If this becomes a regular thing I will cry. Again, sorry for the foul language.



I'm not sure why this made me want to rage...probably because her nap time is when I get to recharge a bit. It's always a guarantee time in my SAHM days when I can do some paper work, return emails, and spend some 1:1 time with Truman, too. Without that assumed time to re-focus, I honestly felt angry and cheated of my meeeee tiiiiiiiime (said in a whiny voice). It was totally out of my control because my littlest didn't want to nap and therefore I had to continue on the marathon of our day without a breather. Not the end of the world but just enough to teeter me over the edge of reason. Patience runs dry for all of us. Mine was depleted by 3 pm.

It's a good thing they are cute.



Lucky for everyone Nate got home super early compared to his other nights of the week, busting through the door at 4pm with his Super Dad powers and annoying amounts of energy. We went to McDonalds for dinner because putting forth the effort in our kitchen was just not happening. Very good move as it was tasty and easy and the kids had a ball. Other positives from Thursday:  I did get a donut, a hot cup of coffee, and a fantastic workout completed today. Yes. Thursday was not so awful.



None of these ordeals are particularly earth-shattering. Combined they made for a helluva week, and yet? We survived. It could have been worse....especially if that bird had turned out to be a rat. Lord help me.

The baby is kicking like a man man (woman?) as I type this. I'm working on a fun little project for the gender reveal photo shoot which is a mere days away (!!) Our children are sleeping soundly in the same room, like little angels who did not challenge their mama this week at all (ha). Tomorrow is a fresh start. Someday it will be warm again and the snow will melt and we can all break out of this winter funk. It did snow RIGHT on top of my freshly cleaned mini-van, btw. February is such a fantastic month in general. Sigh. But life is still very, very good.



Also of note in the positive remarks arena, Truman had an adorable moment today while eating his donut.

T: "Mom, how did CC and I come out of your belly?"
Me: "Well, we went to the hospital and the doctor helped get you out of me." Easy as that! Riiiiiight.
T: "But what tools did they use?"
Me: hahahaha. "No tools, really. I just pushed you out of me." (praying that wouldn't sound too creepy.)
T: After thinking for a bit, "I think that probably hurt us." (Totally just painful for you, buddy, not me at all). "And I don't understand which way you pushed us." End of conversation.



I mean, adorable that he is starting to think about babies being inside and then coming out. He also asked me what we will do when this baby gets big enough to sit next to him at the table. 'Will we just have another baby then?' Ha. I told him that daddy doesn't want a fourth baby and three will be enough, but Truman did NOT agree. #BabyPusher

There have to be weeks like this to make the boring ones feel celebrated, I suppose. And it sure does feel good to vent about it all on the old blog ;)

-I totally wiped out on the sidewalk at 5:45 am during an early morning run. Scraped up my hands, my elbow and my hip. Totally awesome. Totally shattered my ego. Glad I didn't break my hip.

-The new iOS7 is rocking my world with it's beauty. Updated last night and loving it so far.



(those clouds MOVE, people!)


(pretty even if it's early)


-Truman has had a fever since last night, ranging from 99.0-101.5 degrees. This is VERY high for him and really random to come on so quickly. I hate seeing him sick especially after he and his sister just got over a stomach bug. I don't even think the two sicknesses are related.

-Multiple wake-ups last night for the T-man. One wake up for the Cease-ster. Very little sleep all around. THIS WHOLE WEEK.

-CC refused naps two out of three attempts. No.

-Truman napped on the couch at 9:30 am. What?



-Approximately 800 episodes of Calliou graced our presence today. You know that I despise Calliou, right? Kid was sick and unable to move off the couch so I took one for the team.

-Approximately 8 calories were consumed by my sick son today. Hate when he has no appetite because I don't want him to wither away.

-I had to work on my 'day off' in order to get everyone seen for the week, since tomorrow is probably a bust again.

-Nate took both kids to the doctor ALONE, since I could only get a late afternoon appointment for Truman. Daddy Of The Year.

-Truman sobbed the entire time in the car on the way to the doctor and during the entire visits. Life sucks when you have a fever.

-A negative strep test leaves us with the diagnosis of 'it's just a virus.' Sweet.

-A burst of energy from Truman after the doctor's office lead to a potential Starbucks stop for daddy and kids. Once they pulled into the parking lot, Truman realized he was not up for such an adventure and they had to go back home so he could lay down. This is the most depressing part of the day, in my eyes. And it wasn't even my coffee to be had.

-Numerous popsicle incidents.





-Hilarious little girl through the entire day, despite being cooped up inside with a sick brother and a nearly-insane mother.

-Good chat with my mom on the phone. She made Cecelia 14 of the most adorable felt and crocheted hair bows. I cannot get over them. We discussed her possibly taking hair bow orders in the future, but I want to focus her creative free time on Halloween first. Since we will be in Colorado for a WEEK right before Halloween. Yes. Cannot wait.



-A delicious, much-needed glass of wine for mommy.

How is it only Friday tomorrow? Will this week ever end?

It could be worse. But this week's lack of routine is getting to me. I much prefer the groove we were riding prior to this illness week. Hoping we fall back into it soon. Sickness sucks. I feel like a walking time bomb ready to explode with the various illnesses my family has had this week. Come on immune system. Let's do this.

...the post below is going to go on the right side of this blog, somehow. I've seen other bloggers do it such as:

• The Seven Spot
• Tres Poshe Preppy
• The Preppy Wedding

It was pretty fun but my eyes are bulging out of my skull now. Enjoy!