Yolande

I've thought of many ways to write this post, as a reflection of 2009 by the month or as the decade by year. I thought about rehashing my goals for the year and implementing new ones. But honestly, my heart is just not in it. Don't get me wrong, 2009 was a pretty awesome year for my little family and it's nice to see I met a lot of my goals in addition to having the privilege of getting pregnant this year. But for all of the positive events we saw this year one heavily weighted negative is perched on my mind as the year comes to a close.

I've talked about my best friend Hannah many times on this blog. We lived together for nearly 8 years through college and beyond, were each other's maids of honor, shared part of our first pregnancies together, and then she had beautiful baby Matilda on Thanksgiving Day this year. Throughout our friendship we've gone through many life events together but I never expected to go through the loss of a parent this early in our lives. Hannah's mom, Ann, died on Christmas Day from breast cancer complications. It was unexpected and words fail me during this incredibly sad occasion. But what I can say is this: life is too short, it can be unfair and it doesn't always make sense. It's easy to get caught up in our monotonous daily routines, drifting from months to years, taking it all for granted and planning for the next 5, 10, 15 years as if they are guaranteed. All too often I let unimportant details take precedence, I'll lose sight of the present moment, and focus far too much on future plans. Plans--as if we have any control over what life brings to us.

How many times do we have to hear the phrase 'Live life to its fullest' to really understand what that means? Can anyone truly be present in the current moment on a consistent basis? Don't we all take our blessings for granted?

Ann was an amazing wife, mother, and although it was brief--a grandmother to Tilly. To say that she will be missed is the understatement of the year.






When Hannah told me the news on Christmas Day I was in shock. Although I only see my mom a few times each year, I was lucky enough to be with my own mother and grandmother for this bittersweet holiday. Mourning the loss of Hannah's mom with my own immediately made me realize how blessed I truly am, and that I should never take it for granted. Every email or phone call, every hug or laugh, every 'I love you' needs to be fully appreciated. I think we can all use reminders sometimes, and if nothing else Ann's death will always serve as a wake up call for me: to cherish every moment with my own mother, because nothing is guaranteed.

We spent an extra day in Missouri to attend Ann's visitation and I'm so glad we decided to stay. We also got to meet the most gorgeous little baby in the world, Miss Matilda, and although I was convinced the timing of her birth was awful now I realize it might be the biggest blessing throughout the ordeal. Sure, Hannah has a one month old baby to care for which brings on hormonal imbalances, lack of sleep, and a general feeling of chaos. I thought that Ann's death would be too much to bear even under 'normal' circumstances, but with a brand new baby? Way too much. And of course, it's not going to be easy for Hannah by any means...but Tilly is just such a bright spot in the world, a reminder that life can indeed be good. Tilly will keep Hannah busy and hopefully she can bring a smile to her face every now and then, too. One birth and one death all in the matter of a month. Yes, life is a roller coaster of unknowns, so buckle up for the ride.

To focus on the positive side of things, let me present to you Miss Matilda in all of her glory:

















Holding Nate's fingers....makes my heart melt a little bit:


And I swear I'm not looking at the baby with crazy eyes. I was telling a really good story, of course. But this picture is too funny not to share:


I guess if I reflect on the year and life in general, I would have to say that my only goal for 2010 is to be present. To live in the moment. And not to take a second of it for granted. I hope you can do the same.

And really, thank you for all things Mac. What would we do without our MacBook/iMac/iPhones/iPods? Contemplating an iPad just to complete our family of Apples. Seriously. We are 'those' people now.

I digress.

Taking photos with my big Canon is still my fave. The picture quality obviously blows the iPhone 4 away and it SHOULD or else I wasted a whole lotta moolah on my SLR. But the iPhone is just so darn easy to use and so accessible since it's basically an extension of my hand most of the time. And I can upload the pictures directly from my phone to Flickr without ever plugging anything into the computer. So easy! But this means that iPhone pictures comprise about 80% of my photostream these days. Which is fine but because the quality isn't so hot, I tend to reject these pictures for my blog. I'll agonize over which picture to choose for an Instagram shot, and talk myself down from posting about 120 images per day over there because I don't want to flood IG feeds with 25 variations of the same pose (at least not regularly, but occasionally I can't help myself). The other non-IG'd images will just sit. Neglected. Lonely. Poor guys.

So I feel like I want to make a semi-regular blog post dedicated to iPhone pictures. It's okay if the quality isn't great. They certainly do tell a story and even if you follow me on IG (user name mrsjuliagoolia, of course!), hopefully you will see a few different angles so it's less like Groundhog Day over here and more awesomeness of oversharing the details of my life. Yes. That is my goal.

(really bad quality to start with, but whatever. Didn't even IG this one at all. But me and the babes in the bed at 6 am. Why are early-morning bed shots a fave lately?)


(this is a scene that I did IG but there were a lot of other shots that were super cute and didn't make the cut. Sunday morning at Starbucks. Henry came along and was not happy about being outside. Freaking out.)






(our treats)


(unreal sky)


(Monday night after a loooong day. Daddy got just a few minutes with the kids on the couch before CC was begging to go to bed. Hate the quality, love the moment)


(oh yeah, and before Nate got home---guess who is sitting at the dinner table now? I know. She is TOO big!)


(Tuesday morning, 5 am, the gym. IG'd one of these to mention how much I desperately needed that 'me time' kicking my own butt. Needed. And also? I have to wear pigtails to exercise now with my shorter hair)






(on Tuesday I decided to ask Andrea if she wanted to come to the zoo with us. It was 27 degrees outside but sunny! And there are indoor exhibits! It was seriously so much fun to have the entire place practically to ourselves. Blurry shot of my little crew in the bathroom before we went inside the zoo itself. Took the wagon in with us to the handicapped stall, and managed to pee with CC in the Ergo. Epic.)


(ape!)




(mommy monkey with one very large breastfeeding boob and one non-existent boob. I felt her pain.)


(cool jelly fish)


(Eli and Truman being two years old)


(And Tuesday afternoon---just a little photoshoot with my girl. She was being so freaking cute with her new toy keys from Truman's attic stash of baby toys. And I tried to wear my hair curly---read: air dry---and liked it better this time around. Therefore I probably won't use a blow dryer again for quite some time)








(Wednesday night: single mom fun at dinner time and bath time)












(And this morning, Thursday: home after my gym time and mister T had been awake the entire time. Since 5am. Not my problem when at the gym, holla! My coffee tasted abnormally good and Cecelia was in a fantastic mood. Therefore, numerous pictures followed)






(the front and back cameras on the iPhone are pretty different, huh?)


(my babe would love to try some coffee. Too bad I'm selfish and she can just get it indirectly through my milk)


(And! Figured out what to do with her long bangs!)




And that's a week in the life through the eyes of my iPhone. :)

 Also? Can I just mention that I'm totally stressing out about our family trip to Missouri next week? We decided to suck it up and fork over the money to fly instead of making an 8 hour drive with two children. Obviously both methods of travel are potentially scarring but Nate was the one who decided that a 45 minute flight, then a 2 hour drive to my parents house would be less risky than 8 straight hours in a car. I tend to agree considering that Cecelia fell out of love with her car seat again. And if we made the drive then we'd SURELY realize that we need a mini-van and I don't think Nate is mentally ready to go to that dark place just yet. So he's avoiding it by purchasing plane tickets instead. Good move, Nate!

Truman has flown a ton in his 2.5 years, so much that I honestly lost count. Maybe 10 round trips so far? But the last time he flew was in February, when he was still able to fly for free. This was also the last time I was at my parents house which is just NOT okay, and Nate wasn't even there for that visit so it's been even longer for him (and Cecelia has never been to MO, obvi). So anyway, Truman is an old pro with flying although it's now a different ballgame financially to pay for three tickets. I think he will be just fine during the trip and I have a few 'Target dollar bin' finds for him up my sleeve to keep him entertained. And Cecelia should be okay as long as she can be attached to the boob most of the flight (nursing cover win!).

The main thing stressing me out is making a list of what to pack, since we will be leaving on a Tuesday and coming back the next Monday. That is a long time and I always tend to overpack stuff I don't really need on long trips, and under pack things I could have actually used. Anyone else do this? So annoying. Also, I'm sure it will be a lot warmer in MO than it has been in WI which throws me off for outfit choices. All of this is really pretty dumb because we will have NO RESPONSIBILITIES down there other than to halfway care for our children (grandparents will most likely take a lot of that off our plates, too, the saints that they are). So who cares if we each wear the same too-warm outfit every day. We will be lounging around drinking coffee and chatting with my family non-stop. Nothing else matters.

Also, Nate and I work on Monday but then we will be off until the following Tuesday. This is a glorious sentence to type. Amazing. And very much needed.

So I won't be keeping up my newfound streak of posting frequently next week. I'm sure you won't mind as you might be busy stuffing your face with turkey and pie and potato dishes like me.