Yolande

I've thought of many ways to write this post, as a reflection of 2009 by the month or as the decade by year. I thought about rehashing my goals for the year and implementing new ones. But honestly, my heart is just not in it. Don't get me wrong, 2009 was a pretty awesome year for my little family and it's nice to see I met a lot of my goals in addition to having the privilege of getting pregnant this year. But for all of the positive events we saw this year one heavily weighted negative is perched on my mind as the year comes to a close.

I've talked about my best friend Hannah many times on this blog. We lived together for nearly 8 years through college and beyond, were each other's maids of honor, shared part of our first pregnancies together, and then she had beautiful baby Matilda on Thanksgiving Day this year. Throughout our friendship we've gone through many life events together but I never expected to go through the loss of a parent this early in our lives. Hannah's mom, Ann, died on Christmas Day from breast cancer complications. It was unexpected and words fail me during this incredibly sad occasion. But what I can say is this: life is too short, it can be unfair and it doesn't always make sense. It's easy to get caught up in our monotonous daily routines, drifting from months to years, taking it all for granted and planning for the next 5, 10, 15 years as if they are guaranteed. All too often I let unimportant details take precedence, I'll lose sight of the present moment, and focus far too much on future plans. Plans--as if we have any control over what life brings to us.

How many times do we have to hear the phrase 'Live life to its fullest' to really understand what that means? Can anyone truly be present in the current moment on a consistent basis? Don't we all take our blessings for granted?

Ann was an amazing wife, mother, and although it was brief--a grandmother to Tilly. To say that she will be missed is the understatement of the year.






When Hannah told me the news on Christmas Day I was in shock. Although I only see my mom a few times each year, I was lucky enough to be with my own mother and grandmother for this bittersweet holiday. Mourning the loss of Hannah's mom with my own immediately made me realize how blessed I truly am, and that I should never take it for granted. Every email or phone call, every hug or laugh, every 'I love you' needs to be fully appreciated. I think we can all use reminders sometimes, and if nothing else Ann's death will always serve as a wake up call for me: to cherish every moment with my own mother, because nothing is guaranteed.

We spent an extra day in Missouri to attend Ann's visitation and I'm so glad we decided to stay. We also got to meet the most gorgeous little baby in the world, Miss Matilda, and although I was convinced the timing of her birth was awful now I realize it might be the biggest blessing throughout the ordeal. Sure, Hannah has a one month old baby to care for which brings on hormonal imbalances, lack of sleep, and a general feeling of chaos. I thought that Ann's death would be too much to bear even under 'normal' circumstances, but with a brand new baby? Way too much. And of course, it's not going to be easy for Hannah by any means...but Tilly is just such a bright spot in the world, a reminder that life can indeed be good. Tilly will keep Hannah busy and hopefully she can bring a smile to her face every now and then, too. One birth and one death all in the matter of a month. Yes, life is a roller coaster of unknowns, so buckle up for the ride.

To focus on the positive side of things, let me present to you Miss Matilda in all of her glory:

















Holding Nate's fingers....makes my heart melt a little bit:


And I swear I'm not looking at the baby with crazy eyes. I was telling a really good story, of course. But this picture is too funny not to share:


I guess if I reflect on the year and life in general, I would have to say that my only goal for 2010 is to be present. To live in the moment. And not to take a second of it for granted. I hope you can do the same.

This week has been crazy!  We went mattress shopping on Monday, Tuesday my mom came up and we had a delicious dinner at Oceanaire and Nate took apart and moved our bed to a guest bedroom, and then today my sweet mom stayed at our place to accept deliveries for the bed and bar! 

Good 'ol Nate was a peach and spent a few hours moving the old bed into the guestroom.  There are so many parts!  The bed looks nice in the guest bedroom and will be better for guests now.  Since we are sleeping in the guest bedroom for now we moved the doggy steps with.  Always catering to the pups!    Again, still so boring and needs to be decorated badly.  Looks better than when it was just a mattress, though!


The master looked crazy not having the bed in there.  And so open!


Then today the bed came - hooray!  It looks perfect in there!  And strangely enough, it takes up LESS room than our queen.  Since our queen had the sloped sleigh bed headboard, it went out much further from the wall!  Score!

Once the mattress is in we can start putting the room back together.  Success!

The bar granite also was installed today.  Just in the nick of time for the Super Bowl on Sunday!  It looks so nice but the glue smell has got to go.  I hope the smell goes away and everything with plumbing/fridge/faucet goes as seamlessly as these things today!

Definitely a successful day at our residence.  Successful enough to end on a funny!

I jinxed myself. It's true.

I normally don't believe in "jinxing" per se, but in this case it sort of feels like I did. Not more than 12 hours after I posted my last blog entry about looking forward to enjoying a boring and uneventful 2013 my little Starman, who had been suffering since Saturday with what I strongly suspected was the flu, had a bad asthma attack he couldn't recover from. I gave him his inhalers twice and was contemplating hauling out the nebulizer when it dawned on me I better take him in to urgent care, stat! Urgent care took a quick look at him and sent him straight to the ER and after two hours of observation and treatment he was getting worse instead of better so, we were transferred upstairs to a room. We have been here since. We are going on 36 hours in the hospital and I am not optimistic about going home quite yet.

To add to the drama of the already dramatic evening, on the way from urgent care to the ER a problem with my car that had been threatening to become an issue finally did.

For months our car has had this weird short in the electrical system where, when you go over a bump, all the dome lights snap on for a second. Then after a minute they snap back off. It is highly annoying, not to mention a safety issue when driving at night with the light snapping on and off all the time. We just added it to the list of broken things we will fix eventually (the lift gate pistons have been out for months and one of the power windows doesn't work in the other car). Unfortunately on the way to the ER I went over a bump on the highway and the lights snapped on....and never snapped off. The whole 15 minutes on the way to the hospital I drove with one hand over the front dome light so I could see where I was going. I pulled into the ER and unloaded Starman. I locked the doors and waited, and waited, and waited. The dome lights stayed on. I quickly loaded him back into the car, climbed in and played with the light settings a bit and then climbed back out. No luck. Now I am panicked about getting Starman into the building so he could be treated, so I pried open the dome light in the front disconnected the lights by prying them out with a pen, but was unsuccessful with getting the back dome off. Then I noticed the outside lights were on too. Unable to do anything else, I unloaded the baby, locked the car and went to check in. I told the lady at the ER that if people reported a vehicle matching my car's description with all the lights blazing not to worry. I would deal with it when I left.

The plan is for someone to come get us from the hospital when we finally get discharged and I will deal with car when I get to it. It is most likely in need of a jump start and then we will drive it straight to the mechanic. In the meantime, we had to arrange for someone to be at our house when our new washing machine is delivered today (our old one broke on Christmas Eve). If things happen in three's I should be golden now. Unexpected expenses: 3, Me: 0.

So much for a boring start to 2013

Starman is doing better. He feels much better but his oxygen levels still are concerning. Now that he is coming around though, he is busy traumatizing the nice nurses with his inquisitive and stubborn personality. I strongly suspect our day nurse yesterday probably went home and hit the bottle after my little man encouraged her to ever greater heights of creativity throughout the day in attempt to keep him from ripping off his sensors and oxygen tubes. I was pretty impressed as some of them were quite ingenious, but to no avail. Then, every time he ripped off his sensors his oxygen levels would crash and he would send the nurses scurrying through the door. I am pretty sure he thought it was hysterical. He also spent a long time attempting to climb out of his crib and found he could reach the nurse call button which he then pressed repeatedly. Adding to that, his less than charming 'roid rage directed primarily at the respiratory nurses coming to give him his nebulizer treatment, and I am fairly certain that the nurses, as cute as they say they find him, will secretly be relieved when we are finally discharged. His saving grace is that he is fond of flashing his famous toothy smile at them in random moments of disarming charm. (I will definitely have to keep a close eye on that one when he gets old enough to notice girls).

So, I am looking forward to going home. And next time I write, I will not celebrate the mundane. I will accept that my life is a roller coaster. I seem to attract craziness and Murphy's law-type shenanigans like a magnet, so my NEW New Year's resolution is this; I promise to embrace my crazy life with grace and dignity. I accept that normal and boring do not exist for me and I will no longer covet them. I will strive to maintain patience in the midst of the craziest scenarios and remind myself to be grateful that somehow, no matter how crazy things get, they always seem to work out for the best in the end.