Yolande

Why blog

Ahem.

Let me figure out how to work this thing again. Bear with me. Aside from Truman's 10 month post the last time I typed here was 12/14. Dang. It feels even longer than that, actually.

But this time I'm not going to type the usual 'wow, it's been awhile' introduction and then move into Truman updates. This time I am blogging about blogging. Or really, more specifically, I'm writing to discover why I write. Deep, huh?

I never really buy it when bloggers say they blog solely for themselves. If that were the case then why put it out on the public web? Wouldn't a little private word document suffice? I started this blog 3.5 years ago as a way to stay in touch with friends and family back in Missouri. I even have a nice little tab up there for all to read on the topic of why I blog. But the funny thing is that this blog morphed into something much more than that. The friends and family are still there but usually get updates via emails instead. This blog has given me most of my real life Milwaukee friends in one way or another. It's given me some faithful commenters who could absolutely qualify as 'real' friends, too---many of whom I forget if I've actually met them in real life before or not. It's given me an outlet to vent my frustrations, to sing praises of my family and friends, and of course it's given me a way to beam with pride over my precious son. I embrace the title of Mommy Blogger whole-heartedly and do not see that as a negative identity at all. And yet, I constantly toy with throwing in the old blogging towel but I just can't seem to do it.

The reason I'm having such a hard time walking away is that if I don't use this venue to capture my fleeting thoughts on mommy hood, I'm afraid they will slip away. Truman is changing at mind-boggling speeds these days and although I try to write in my paper journal I don't do it often enough. I've caught myself looking back through old posts a lot lately to reminisce about Truman's early days and I'm so thankful I blogged as much as I could because the first few months are a total blur. It's like these posts serve as virtual bookmarks, to slow down the spin of the world a few minutes at a time, so that the ordinary days don't fade away into the past. And now that I've typed those thoughts I see that it's really about control for me. Go figure. If I can blog about a problem or an accomplishment or just a regular day in the life----then I have control over those events since I put words to them. Huh, just another control issue I guess.

Yes, I could just type it all out on a Word document and then transplant that to my yearly digital album (because that has always been a reason for blogging---documenting life not just on the invisible internet but in a tangible album). But I'd be lying to you if I said I don't care about comments. The feedback I receive from complete strangers is incredibly powerful for a new mom who feels absolutely clueless at times. The support, the virtual interactions, the contact with other women living a similar life is truly uplifting. Somewhat addicting, actually. The 'hey, I went through the same thing with my kid and made it out alive' comments, and the 'you are doing a good job, lady, and your son is super cute' comments are like happy little pats on the back. And I admit that I like them.

I remember back in the day when I posted regularly, commented on other blogs religiously, and stalked my own stats frequently---it was incredibly time consuming and yet I felt so connected and....liked. Is that what blogging is all about? A high school popularity contest? I definitely don't fit that bill anymore and I'm trying to decide where I stand in the blogosphere these days.

I could easily throw out the 'I'm too busy, don't have the time' statement but I probably have more free time with this job than I did 6 months ago at my previous one. It's just a question of HOW you spend your free time, what your priorities are, and what you make time for; blogging has not been on my radar for awhile now. Even though I have a long list in my head of potential posts (first birthday party planning, cloth diapering a 10 month old, the saga of breastfeeding late in the game of babyhood, a day in the life now compared to back then, finding time to exercise as a working mom, my body 10 months postpartum, etc) I just can't seem to formulate the posts. And again, I'm not entirely sure why that is.

I'm not saying all of this as a way to beg for comments on why I should stick around. I think I'm typing it because I'm testing the waters a bit. Is this still fulfilling for me? Does anyone still read this blog? Does it make me feel like I'm soaking in the moment a little more, capturing my thoughts, making that instant a little more real? Or just the opposite? I'm still not sure.

I'll ask you, readers, if you also blog: Why? Why do you make that a priority to fill your free time? Do you feel the need to bookmark life with a post so that the moment doesn't drift away? And more selfishly of me: why do you read this blog? Is it because you are also a mommy and like reading about our parallel lives? Or you just think Truman is insanely cute (because he is and I never tire of hearing that one!)? I'm curious and clearly wavering.

I worry that my decrease in frequency of posts means that I'm forgetting more of the everyday treasures in our lives. And that is just not okay. Because I never ever want to lose these simple moments of happiness in the years to come. I still think this whole first year of being a mommy has been truly magical.

And with that, I feel obliged to show you a bit of that magic. Truman now gives open-mouthed, sloppy, wet kisses on command. And I'm asking for them about 72 times per day, in case you were wondering. :)