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Selasa, 22 Agustus 2017

Scrapbooking thoughts part two

So here is my shelf-o-scrapbooks I've made, beginning with my freshman year of college through the present. My Mom gets the privilege of housing my high school scrapbooks [scary stuff, folks.]

One that I absolutely love is our Honeymoon album. I chose a Kolo album in aqua green fabric for this occasion:

When you have a trip or an event to cover, it's so much fun to include ticket stubs, itinerary, magazine clippings, etc. Hence the true "scrapbook" style:

Henry seems to like the smell of our honeymoon. Lots of blue backgrounds used for this.

One challenge I had with this album was the sheer number of photos to include. I think I had 200 or something ridiculous. In that instance, I could never ever have a one picture page or my book would be the size of the Bible [and I'd be burnt out in a day.] So it works to have a bunch of photos scrunched together when they have a similar theme. Then you don't even need a background paper or anything. Just pictures:

The last page of the book had our flight times and a little map of the island. I also included our room tab from the whole week....so that in 20 years, we'll look back on our "cheap" honeymoon and laugh at how much it cost.

Another personal fave: Henry's scrapbook. Yes, he has his own. Mostly just his puppy pictures since, as a new mom, I went a little overboard with the photos. It's super cute to see how much he's grown!

I wanted to show you guys this series. We tried to get the same photo of Henry on Nate's chest to show how BIG he became. The pictures are okay, but not perfect. I still love them, though.

I also made Nate a Spain album for his semester abroad. We had just begun dating at the time, so I tried really hard to impress him with my scrapping skills. It was my first attempt at making an album for someone other than myself. Back in 2002, I was big into ovals/circles for my photos. Now I'm all about squares.

So that brings us to today's album. Here is my chaotic dining room table. We all know how much Nate LOVES when I take the table hostage, right? It's pretty bad right now.

I've been using my pretty papers but not much else. I feel rushed with this album, knowing I have a butt load of pictures to include and I'd like to be done as soon as possible. It's not like that when I made the albums for our families. More on this in a bit.

I mentioned before that I love to handwrite and draw for my albums [I'd miss that with digital.] Here is a fun header for Hannah's shower and B.Party. The little metal tag at the bottom says "bride" and it's too cute.

Hannah's wedding: I had a ton of pictures for this one, and almost made it two pages. But then I kind of liked the collage look for her page. It keeps the eye moving on the page.

Nate's ski trip in two pages. I even found some cute skiing papers to use.

Love this paper so much, and I'm partial to the pictures, too:)

This page was fun. Yes, I showed up for part of my husband's b.party. Only for a few hours and only for one night. Totally G-rated while I was there but I can't verify anything after I left.

One of the first pages in this album: our Packers game. Nate loves this page, obviously. Since there are some good stories behind these pictures, the page includes a lot more journaling. Sometimes I don't journal at all, and sometimes I do a lot. Just depends.

Our rehearsal dinner and some wedding details. This will have to do until I get a REAL wedding album.

And the very first page in this album: Christmas 2005. Again, the ovals were my thing and now they aren't. I didn't even use a background paper for this page [the horror!]

So my thoughts? My best work is definitely the wedding albums I made for our families, pictures in this post. I didn't feel rushed, but I did pressure myself to make them absolutely beautiful and special. When I make my own albums I just want to finish and they don't turn out as well. Another reason I liked my wedding albums is because they were smaller and housed only one photo per page. That helped me focus on the picture and make each page special. But that simply does not work for all albums. Especially when you have a ton of pictures spread out over time [instead of one event only.]

If I go through with this mini-business for scrapbooking, I have a lot of decisions to make. Traditional versus digital. 12x12 size versus 8X8 size. How many pictures per page? How long will each book take me? How much should I charge so that I don't LOSE money, but knowing that I will not make a fortune on this either? And most importantly, would I live up to my own standards? I can be pretty hard on myself and I worry that I'll get frustrated with the results, always wanting it to be better.

Like I said, I have lots of ideas running around my brain right now. Once I sort through some of the ideas I will post on them, and ask for your help making decisions.

In the meantime, hope you liked the little snippet into my scrapbooking world!

Jumat, 14 Juli 2017

Potty Training Power Struggles Part 1

You know that old expression, "it's not you, it's me?" I have reached the conclusion that when it comes to my children and potty training, I can honestly say to them, "it's not me, it's you."

After 3 children and 15 different tactics I still haven't seemed to master the art of potty training, but upon reflection I realized, it's not me.

The Husband and I are both so, so over changing diapers and pull-ups! We have been changing our children's diapers almost continuously since the end of 2005. Except for a small six month break, I have been changing diapers for over NINE YEARS!!! Yes, you heard that right, I have 3 children and I have been changing diapers and cleaning up crap, literally, for almost a decade of my life and I am over it!

If you just did the math you will already know what I am about to say, which is that each one of my children has potty trained WELL past 3 years old. Snowflake finally got it at 3 1/2, Raindrop at 4 (FOUR!!!!), and Starman.....well, *sigh* let's just hope it is sooner rather than later (but, we will discuss that in Part 2). But truthfully, I really don't feel like I can do this much longer. I am ready now.

Some smug parents out there will be reading this, chuckling and patting themselves on the back about how amazing they are, and how amazing it is that they potty trained their child at 18 months, or 2 years....or even before 3. I am here to burst your bubble. It wasn't you. Your child made that choice. Children do it when they are ready and no amount of parental desire or creative tactics will work. In fact, I suspect that this may simply be a nature over nurture thing. Some kids are more inclined than others.

I am basing that conclusion on the fact that we have had the exact same results with all three kids despite the fact that we have tackled the problem very differently all three times:

Snowflake

With our first we did what every first time parents do, we researched the holy heck out of the subject. I painstakingly filled out the checklists, such as "Is your child ready?," and we purchased everything we needed in preparation. At 2 years we started mentioning the potty and taking her with us when we went so we could model.

At 2 1/2 we did the three days program, and taking two days off of work, I made sure I was home for 5 straight days to accomplish this. At the end of the 3 days it was a miracle! She was totally potty trained.....right up until a week later when she said, "Mommy, me no like the potty. Me all done, K?"

Ummm......no, it is very much NOT ok.

But true to her word, despite being in underwear (and me on my hands and knees cleaning), she refused to budge. Four weeks later I finally caved and put her back in pull-ups. Back to research mode. This time we had the family over and we threw a "potty party" (you can roll your eyes now, I usually do) and celebrated throwing away her diapers. We hung up a sticker chart and bought a giant train and put it up where she could see it, but couldn't touch it. She used the potty and we all cheered. The party was over and she stayed dry for a whole 3 weeks right up until the day she completed her sticker chart and got her train. The next day she had an accident, which was chalked up to the learning process....a week later, she had stopped going in the potty completely. Repeating the whole process from sticker chart, to reward (Chuck-E-Cheese this time) to regression, our frustration level was rising.

I took the train.

I was so frustrated at this point. She COULD do it. She just WOULDN'T. They say don't do negative consequences but after 3 months of regression and refusal, I tried taking privileges or putting her in her room after accidents, making her clean herself up, changing her less often. Nothing worked.

It took a year, but one day after we moved into our new house she woke up one day, just shy of 3 1/2 and said to me over breakfast, "Ok Mom. I think I will use the potty now." And that was it. Just like that it was all over.

Raindrop

Along comes Raindrop. We decided to change tactics, saying we weren't going to push potty training at all until she reached 3. Figuring that maybe by changing tactics, we would have more success the second time around. Oh, how foolish we were.

Right before her third birthday, Raindrop started using the potty to pee. Yay! Success! I did nothing, She figured it all out on her own. I finally had one that got it right!

*sigh*

Then I found out I was pregnant and became violently "morning" sick from sun-up to sun-down. Raindrop stopped using the potty, but since we were in underwear by this point I wasn't willing to backtrack. I was committed and we were going to press on.

From April to August I kept that girl in underwear. I was NOT giving in. I was on anti-nausea meds and even with them I was vomiting 2-5 times a day and miserable all the time, but still spent hours on my hands and knees steam cleaning poop and pee out of my carpet EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

This went on for four months. Right before she started preschool I put her back in pull-ups. I gave up and waved the white flag. At seven months pregnant, I couldn't take it anymore. I put her in underwear to send her to school and hoped for the best, but as soon as she was back home she was back in a pull-up. She actually made it to February before the truth came out at school that she wasn't in fact truly potty trained (which we promptly blamed on the new baby).

The thing with Raindrop's journey was that the previous May, because she was pooping daily in her underwear (when it wasn't on my floor, which she did purposefully), she developed a horrible, horrible staph infection from a diaper rash. Despite multiple rounds of different antibiotics, it spread. It spread and spread until by August it went from the backs of her thighs all the way up to her mid-back. She was missing huge chunks of skin. (I still have pictures, but they are way too graphic and horrible to post on this blog.) Our church put our family on their prayer chain. It was bad. It was really, really bad. Every time I changed her diaper she bled....profusely. I cried a lot. I pleaded with her. I offered her the world if she would just go in the potty. Nothing worked.

In September (around the start of preschool and while I was still pregnant) we took her to a specialist and a dermatologist. They told me if she didn't potty train and soon, that the staph infection could spread to her bloodstream and she could be at risk for a fatal blood infection. (Two more churches added us to their prayer chains.)

HOLY CRAP!!!!

Potty training had suddenly turned into an all-out battle to save my daughter's life. But, despite the doctor's dire warnings to her that she would be hurting herself if she didn't potty train, she remained unmoved. We went back to the pediatrician. We established that she had a food dye allergy, and that helped us clear up the staph infection a little bit, but it continued on in a milder form. Then she got a strep infection in her open sores. We managed to clear that up quickly, but the damage was beginning to leave scars.

The pediatrician commented in January that she had been practicing for decades and had never seen a child as stubborn as my daughter. We were recommended to get a counselor. After that she worried that there was something physically wrong and we were referred to a special department at Children's Hospital. Miraculously, a week before her fourth birthday, and two weeks before our appointment at Children's, she woke up one day and said "Mommy, I am going to use the potty today." And with that declaration we never looked back. We cancelled the appointment at the hospital 5 days shy of the appointment. The staph infection cleared up, and her scarring has almost totally faded now.

Both girls potty trained on their own time, regardless of anything we did. Tips and tricks may work for some kids, but only if they are really truly on-board. Much like sending an addict to rehab, unless they are absolutely committed to the process they may succeed for a while, but inevitably they will relapse.

Next Week

Here ends Part 1. Look for Part 2 on Friday. Find out how Starman's potty training trials are going, what tips and tricks we have found worthwhile, despite our lack of success with them, and why you shouldn't ever hand out unsolicited potty training advice (or judgment).

Rabu, 28 Juni 2017

April 23 My childhood vs My childrens childhood Part One

Another topic from a commenter:

"Here's an idea for you (that may take more thought than you want to put in), but maybe a post about how your kids' childhoods are/will be different than yours, and feelings on that? I've been thinking that over a lot lately and since I don't blog, I'm passing the idea to you :). I grew up in a rural area with a SAHM; my son is a city kid with two full-time working parents. As he gets older, I'm realizing there are some idealizations of my childhood that I have to let go of, and also some really amazing experiences my kid will get that I never had access to. Maybe that's way too deep ... but an idea. Pictures are totally fine too :)"

I find this to be an interesting comparison and one that I haven't specifically pondered until this comment. My initial reaction was that my upbringing and also my kids' upbringings will be quite similar, which is a subconcious goal of mine since I had a wonderful childhood (Nate, too!). But I guess when you really get down to it, there are plenty of differences to discuss as well. I hope it goes without saying that everyone has different childhood experiences and upbringings and that is totally fine by me! Just because I was raised one way doesn't mean it's the 'right way' or that someone else who wasn't raised like me is missing out. I feel the need for this disclaimer before I touch on a few heavy topics of childhood and priorities in raising children. This is just my own personal story and the ongoing story of my children. Differences are good! Okay then.

Big city versus small town upbringing:

I grew up in Jefferson City, Missouri which is the commonly forgotten Capital in the middle of the state. I thought it was a 'big city' with a population of about 45,000, which was gigantic compared to the tiny farming towns surrounding us in JCMO. My high school was huge since there were only two in our city: public (mine, graduating class of 800) or private (much smaller but still a huge competitor of ours in athletics). The size of my high school compared to the size of my hometown is kind of interesting, since I never realized other truly BIG cities had suburbs with their own schools, own little world, and their own culture. You either went to the public high school or the private one and that was that.

My kids are growing up in a suburb of Milwaukee that has roughly 45,000 people living here, which is basically the exact same size as my hometown. And in case this isn't already known: we live in the same suburb where Nate grew up, and his parents still live in Nate's childhood home just a mile away from us. But the big difference is that our suburb is a part of the Milwaukee metro area that has 1.5 million people calling it 'home.' So Truman, Cecelia, and Porter are definitely 'city kids' compared to myself.

And one of our favorite things about this suburb is the walkability: we can walk to school, walk to the downtown village, walk to playgrounds, etc., which feels very city-like. I definitely did not live in a walkable town growing up, we didn't have sidewalks, and my childhood home was built in the 1980s instead of our current home from the 1920s. That part doesn't really matter when it comes to 'upbringing' but I think our neighborhood and suburb have a much different feel than my hometown, too. I'll call Truman, Cecelia, and Porter city kids---but city kids in a suburb. I was a small town city kid with a side of farm girl;)

I went to St. Louis University and had a bit of a culture shock as I realized that I was considered a small town girl. Not to mention that when I chose a Jesuit college I didn't have a clue as to how different I'd be there since I was not Catholic and 90% of the kids there were at least 'sort of' Catholic. I think a lot of the city kids thought I was a po-dunk-farm girl-atheist or something, which was shocking since I believed myself to be a city girl with a solid religious background (more on that part in a bit)! My family did technically own a beef cattle farm, although faming wasn't my dad's primary job. Dad is a CPA who would change out of his business suit into his denim overalls and steel toed boots in the evenings to inseminate a cow or something crazy. So yes, I guess I was a bit of a 'farm girl' but we didn't live on the farm and I've never driven a tractor;)

More on my experience being somewhat of a religious outsider at college: I remember the first Ash Wednesday I experienced while at SLU. My friend Keri came to class with ashes on her forehead and I was perplexed, telling her that she had dirt on her face. Ah, I learned so much about Catholicism in college because of the religious studies we were required to take, but also because of my numerous Catholic friends in college. I have gone up to the front of church at more Catholic weddings than I can count---getting a blessing with my arms crossed over my chest instead of receiving communion became more comfortable for me with each subsequent wedding. Which brings me to another topic when comparing childhoods.

Religion:

Although I went to a public high school, I attended a Lutheran grade school from kindergarten through eighth grade. Which is ironic because we went to a Baptist church--one that was a very prominent feature of my childhood as we went every Sunday, most Wednesday nights, did vacation bible school and Sunday School, and my mom was employed by our church for many years. Papaw was even the very first pastor at our church, so it was definitely a big part of my childhood. But my dad grew up Lutheran and attended the same grade school that I did, so I had a nice blend of denominations as I formed my own faith base. Lutheran grade school, public high school, Baptist church, and then a Catholic university. This could have become quite confusing for me but I am thankful for the variety of religions I've been exposed to over the years.

As for my kids: Nate was brought up Catholic but married me in an art gallery with my Baptist grandfather officiating;) And now we attend a Lutheran church because I consider Lutheranism a nice compromise between Catholicism and Baptists. Nate and I really enjoy our church mostly because it's laid back, geared towards families with young children, and the pastors are fantastic. But one way in which my kids will have a different upbringing than my own? We do not go to church every Sunday (shame, shame--I have Catholic guilt for this without being Catholic). For awhile when it was just Truman and even into the baby Cecelia days, we did make it every-other-Sunday and I believe someday we'll make that a priority again. But right now during this chaotic stage of life with three very small kids, it's just not. I believe we can still teach our children about God and faith and religion without going to church every Sunday.

For instance, Truman is really into this storybook Bible these days:

We will read stories from it and discussions are prompted about God, Jesus, faith, and being kind to others. Truman also loves any of the stories that have to do with battles and death and I sort of forgot how intense a lot of the biblical stories can be. I mean, the crucifixion in general? BIG topic of discussion and something that I'm sure we will continue to talk about for years to come. At least, I hope we do! Cecelia doesn't 'get it' yet but reading stories with Truman is one way that the kids are getting exposed to religion without attending church every Sunday. Plus, Christmas and Easter are both opportune times to steer the kids towards the real meaning of these holidays. But of course, opening presents and eating candy are a hundred times more kid friendly than the birth and death of Jesus. BUT ANYWAY, religion was a huge part of my upbringing and it's also a part of my kids' lives. But probably not as prominent as it was for me as a child. When discussing religion at all, I feel the need to say that everyone is different here and it's alright if you weren't/aren't religious and don't want your kids to be either. I hope talking about faith isn't offensive because yes, it can be a sensitive subject!

Schooling:
Already touched on this one, but Nate went to public schools for elementary, middle school and high school, then met the love of his life at a Jesuit college;) I went to private grade school/middle school, public high school, and was Nate's love of his life at the Jesuit college. Nate even attended the exact same middle school and high school that our kids will attend, different elementary schools only. Our kids will go to public schools until college and then I will pray with everything I have they choose a state school after high school. Private colleges are beyond my comprehension for tuition costs so hopefully all three of our children are GENIUSES and get extremely awesome scholarships somewhere (that goes for a state school or a private school, actually). Be geniuses, kids!

So size of the city=different, religion=same but different, and schooling choice=same. More on the concept of the family unit next.

Senin, 01 Mei 2017

4 ways to help your husband say how he really feels Part One

Recently I wrote about four ways that you can help your husband open up in a conversation for Family Share.
You can see the original article on their website here.

As I was writing the article for their website, I realized there is more to each lesson than I could include in one article (especially since there was a word limit.) In order to better explain each principle, I thought I'd break up each idea into individual posts. You are about to read Part 1.

Click on Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4 to read more.

1. Watch your tone in order to show him love

Love is an action word. It implies a choice to act in a loving way.

One powerful way to communicate to your husband that he is free to express his feelings is to speak kind words in a gentle voice. Stop the sarcasm and the insults. Kindness is sometimes misunderstood as weakness; however avoiding harsh words will keep a conversation progressing smoothly. Also, your tone of voice sets the mood in a conversation. A loud, angry tone of voice could raise your spouse’s defensive walls. A shrill, critical tone of voice may make him shut down and refuse to share his true thoughts. A whiny, manipulative tone of voice could lead your husband to roll his eyes and give up on the conversation. As you speak kind words, in a gentle voice, your husband will feel safe in your presence. He will feel comfortable sharing his opinions and emotions because he can trust you to be with him, not against him.

Take to heart the phrase “seek to understand.”

This means that you see a conversation as an opportunity to get to know him better, rather than using the conversation to only talk about you. "Seek to understand" means you go deeper and really get at the emotions and opinions that are fueling his side of the conversation. This skill takes time, but it can greatly enrich your conversation, and it helps keep tension low. As your husband feels truly heard and understood, he can return that kindness when it is your turn to talk. See an example in Part Two.

For example, your husband mentions he would like to spend your tax refund check on new tires for the car. Instead of quickly asserting your opinion that the money should be spent on something else, “seek to understand” his point of view:

- Ask questions about the safety of the car.

- Inquire into how much tires will cost.

- Discuss his reasoning for new tires now versus later.

- Allow him time to fully share his opinion with you before explaining your idea.

-Discuss these topics with a gentle tone, and use kind words.

As you “seek to understand” him, you show him that you love him. You show him you care about his opinions. Your example will inspire him to show you the same amount of consideration and respect when you share your opinions later.

Minggu, 23 April 2017

Incentives Rewards for Childrens Behavior Part 2 of 2

I've been asked many times for specific strategies for incentives and rewards with the children, so in Part 1 I presented to you 9 ideas which we implement in our home. In this Part 2 I would like to share with you our Points and Rewards System to be implemented when we leave the children with a babysitter. *smile*

I strive to bring as much delight as I can into all of the children's character and behavior training. So I look for the little things to praise for and try to jump at those with affirmation. Now I am very aware that there is value in children doing things simply to develop good character; but we also do not think there is anything wrong in offering a tangible reward sometimes. When daddy goes to work, he is rewarded for his effort by his paycheck. Likewise it is also fine for children to experience rewards when they do good work or have personal successes. I'll share with you:

The general idea
The rules
Ideas for reward containers
My chart for keeping track

Some of our dear friends have 9 children just like we do, and their children are born in the same gender order and age order as our own! How fun is that?! *beam!* Our families like to say that each of the children has their "twin" in the other family. These friends of ours developed an awesome points and rewards system for their family about a year ago, and upon learning about this we were beyond excited to try implementing it within our own family as well - especially seeing how well it worked for their mirroring family order. We use this system when we leave the children with a babysitter and it helps the children to each heave success in monitoring their own behavior, making it easier for baby sitters. All of us have been absolutely thrilled! I immediately thought that I need to share this gem of a plan with you all!

*************************

The general idea

The children earn points each time mom, or mom and dad together go out. They can then spend their points at the culmination of each babysitting time, or they may choose to accumulate points and save for larger rewards.

The rules

* Earning points:
Each time mom and dad go out, each of the youngest children earns 5 points. If I go out during the day for a dentist appointment or such and it will only be 90 minutes or so then I only give them each 3 points.

The oldest two teenagers earn the base 5 points, plus the oldest teenager earns 3 points per hour (of awake time), and the next oldest teenager earns 2 points per hour. They earn more points because they know the family's routines and so do directing of children's activities and the food prep.

Our teenagers quit earning points at the time when lights are supposed to be out at 9:00 pm, regardless of what time mom and dad return and the babysitter leaves. There can be some exceptions, however, such as babies or toddlers having difficulties after bedtime.

* Losing points:
A child loses one point for each infraction, but may lose all of their points or even into the negative for that day. We tell the babysitters not to give warnings - if they feel a warning is warranted, then the child needs to lose a point.

We did make an exception, however, for the first several times that we implemented the points rewards plan to help younger children get used to keeping on the forefront of their mind that they have points they are trying to keep by making good choices.

A teenager can lose points for being unfair or getting the children to bed too late. We haven't told the children the rules for teenagers losing points, though. And we give the teenagers the benefit of the doubt in decision making, knowing that they have extra responsibility with mom and dad gone for a little while.

In the past we've taken away one point from everyone when we've come home to a messy house due to children refusing to participate with cleaning up over the course of the time.

* Young children earning, losing, and receiving rewards:
For a 2-year-old or younger we wouldn't do points at all.

For 3 or 4-year-olds we use "visible points" because a scribble on a sheet of paper means nothing to them. A teenager gets 5 points out and puts them in a clear glass cup or mini-bowl (i.e. 5 chocolate chips, M&M's, gummy bears...you get the idea).

At the beginning of the evening the teenager shows the younger children their cup and cheerfully explains what that is for and when she will get to eat them (which is the next morning - explanation for this to follow).

Every time a little one whines, disobeys, hits, or otherwise needs to lose a point, the babysitter is to kindly and patiently take her to her point cup and explain why she is losing a point and puts the point away. Babysitters or teenagers are not allowed to eat the point though as this could cause bitterness from the young child.

The children then get to eat their points the next morning. The reason for this is because if they are allowed to eat their points at bedtime, then they know the babysitter can't take away any more and and they have been tempted to then take advantage of that situation. (How do they get so smart at such a young age?! *chuckle*)

* Spending points for rewards:
We also rarely encourage the younger aged children to save points because we know that they need their gratification closer to the time when they had to work for it. However we have been surprised at how quickly they caught on to the benefits of saving for bigger rewards.

* Videos
This is allowed on longer babysitting times, such as mom and dad's weekly date night. Reasons for this are two-fold. (1) To help the babysitter and teenagers, and (2) to help the children be more excited that we are going on a date.

We let the children watch a video of their choice from the cupboard of parent-approved videos, or from our Netflix queue of pre-selected videos. The children can work out a system of taking turns picking the video. If a child has a bad attitude about the video their sibling chose, then the bad attitude child must skip their next turn for choosing a video.

Video rules:

All dishes and dinner clean up must be done first, along with any evening chores the children might have such as putting away the day's laundry.
The children need to get into their pajamas first, have teeth brushed, and generally be ready to crawl into bed after the video.
Our friends who created this points system choose to have the selected video follow a 30-minute Christian-based video first, so that it's not just a night of pure brainless entertainment. *wink* We've not chosen to implement this personally, as the typical 90 minute movie already maxes out our younger children's attention span. And, we do not own more than a couple Christian videos (we don't own hardly any DVD's at all but choose to utilize Netflix almost exclusively, or the library). But from what I've found Netflix only offers Veggie Tales for 30-minute Christian videos and only a handful of those are "instant play".
the video must either be finished or turned off in time for lights-out time.

* Going away for an entire day or a weekend:
The children earn rewards in about 4-hour blocks of time throughout the day. This way the children are receiving the rewards of their efforts for good behavior in reasonable amounts of time. And, if someone is having a difficult time for part of the day they have a re-start point built in a couple of times.

We give 5 points for each of three block of time over the course of an entire day from 8:00 am - 12:00, 12:00-4:00, and 4:00 - 9:00 pm. So over the course of 2 days the children have the opportunity to earn up to 30 points, and the teenagers as much as 44 points in a day to be spent however they like.

Ideas for reward containers

When we began the points and rewards system I went shopping to establish our first cache! *smile* I headed out to the local Dollar Tree, and to Wal-Mart to establish our reward system items. For younger children I found abundant non-food items at the Dollar Tree, and have found the food reward items at Wal-Mart, as well as some good non-food rewards.

The teenagers choose their own rewards to have on-hand for when they've accumulated enough points. They typically choose rewards such as clothes, lattes, hair jewelry from Lilla Rose, make up, clothing accessories, or simply trade in points for cash to save up for larger items they would like.

Examples of rewards:

1 Point -

1 Skittle
1 Mike & Ike
1 Candy corn
1 M&M
1 Hot Tamale
1 rubber band hair holder
Any really little...

5 Points: (think 5 Skittles-wroth)

1 Lifesaver
1 Starburst
1 Hershey's Kiss
One packet of Hot Chocolate (marshmallows to cover the top = 3 pts. more)
1 Sticker sheet
1 three-inch glow in the dark bug
1 piece Sidewalk chalk
1 mini sticker-tape dispenser (Dollar Tree, pkg. of 3)

10 Points: (think 10 Skittles-worth)

1 Ring Pop
1 pkg. of Smarties
1 Reece's Peanut Butter Cup
1 Peppermint Patty
1 small chocolate bar (2-inch-size)
1 small lunch bag size Potato Chips
1 Matchbox car
1 Headband
1-half package of refill caps for cap guns
Bubbles
Army men
Rubber stamps
Rubber stamp ink pad

20 Points:

1 small package of fruit chews
1 small package of animal cookies
1 small Chocolate bar
1 whole package of refill caps for cap guns
3 sets of earrings (a card of 9 sets of earrings cut into 3 portions).
1 Headband
1 package of elastic hair holders
Hair clips
1 Bandana
Garden gloves (Dollar Tree)
A Doll set of brush/comb/mirror (Dollar Tree)
25-piece Puzzle (Dollar Tree)
Socks
Pens, Pencils, Erasers, Mechanical Pencils
Squirt guns

35 Points:

1 one-cup size container of cookies
1 regular-size package of Skittles or candy
1 pkg. Corn nuts
1 Ice cream bar (or a coupon for one)
A full-size tape measure (Dollar Tree)
Tools (clamps, screwdriver, hammer...)
A mini flashlight (Dollar Tree)
A book light (Dollar Tree)
An 8-inch plastic dragon or dinosaur (Dollar Tree)
Action figures
Scented lotion (Dollar Tree)
Scented hand soap (Dollar Tree)
Package of stickers
Umbrella
Books

50 Points:

Certificate for an Ice Cream Cone
Cap guns
Nerf dart guns
Sunglasses
Model ships/airplanes, etc.
Clothing
Clothing accessories
Lilla Rose Flexi Clips
Make up
Books
Coffee beverages
Cash in exchange for points

* Food items are always valued higher than non-food items because we'd rather they buy non-food items; but we know how special the food items are so we will always allow them in our reward system.

* Non-food items are valued at 10 points for $1.00 generally

My chart for keeping track

The friends we got this points and rewards system idea from initially used a tablet to keep track with, and eventually developed an Excel spread sheet. I personally prefer creating charts in Microsoft Word "tables", so that is what I did for our family (you may share my template from Dropbox if you'd like, for FREE). Here is the chart I print out and keep one current page of on the refrigerator. *smile* We keep a running record of what is earned, what is lost for poor behavior, what is spent on rewards, and what is the running total for each person. And the children can reference this at any time which is also an incentive in its self.

Here is my plan for recording points and acquiring the rewards:

I am the only one to do any recording of points earned or lost or spent.
Each time I go out I record the date, and I record the description of the event for which I'm going out such as our weekly date night.
Each event of going out uses two rows, a white one and a shaded one.
I write down in the white "+" (given) column how many points each person is given upon my departure.
While I'm gone, the babysitter keeps a running list on a post-it note of any points that were lost. This usually references only 1 or 2 people. When I get home we go over the list together and make sure it's justified and everyone understood why points were lost. I also talk to the babysitter, and teenagers tell me how each other did.
In the morning we then settle up the earned points.
In the white "-" (taken away) column I record any points that were lost due to poor behavior or disobedience.
Next I go through each child one at a time, youngest to oldest, and either serve their remaining "visual points" from their glass bowl or allow them to go shopping in the rewards containers to spend their saved accumulated points.
I record in the shaded "spent" row below in the "-" column any points that were spent.
Then I record in the "=" column the remaining running total of points for each person.
Once each person has settled out I do not allow them to go back and change their mind, deciding to spend points that they previously decided to save. Done is done.
I am the only one to help children shop in the rewards containers.
(In this photo of my chart, the teenagers column's are not accurate because I forgot that once to give them both the base 5 points, and then the additional per-hour points. Usually their earned points for a 3-hour babysit would equal the base 5 points, then 2 or 3 points per hour depending on if they are head or assistant babysitter. So for a 3-hour sit they would earn 14 points for the oldest teenager, and 11 for the next oldest.)

I recognize this may seem like a lot. But it's very simple, really, especially once you get into the habit of giving the points, then keeping track of who lost and who spent. That's all it is. Our children all caught onto it immediately. The most amount of time goes into simply shopping for your initial rewards supplies, but then you're good to go having found where you'd like to buy things and replace them as they run out. And it's so worth it in my opinion! Our children then do beautifully each managing their own behavior while we're gone, making the babysitting time really pleasant for all.

Our children have all been extremely enthusiastic about this new points and rewards system! *cheer!* They all look forward to it every single time I need to go out, and the youngest children are frequently asking me when I'm going to go out again so that they can earn more points. Perfect. *smile* I hope this idea can be a blessing for your family as well, and I'd love to hear about how it works for you!

Blessings on your family efforts,

Resource:
Here in Dropbox you may print for FREE the points and rewards system rules written out for your reference.

Other related posts of mine you might enjoy:

Incentives & Rewards for Children's Behavior, Part 1 of 2
"Raising Real Men - Surviving, Teaching, and Appreciating Boys"

Senin, 06 Maret 2017

Moms Make it Work Gaynor Part Time Working Mom in Scotland

Today on the Moms Make it Work series, we have Gaynor: a mom who works three days per week as an Architect in Scotland. She had 13 months of maternity leave (always SO jealous of our international moms for this reason!!!) and her sweet Holden is two years old now. Gaynor and I follow each other on Instagram and I loved reading her take on how their family makes it work in Scotland. I can't say it enough: this series is so much fun to put together and to read! Enjoy.

momsmakeitwork

Hi, I’m Gaynor, wife to Graham and mum to Holden, who is now 2. I’m an Architect and we live near Edinburgh in Scotland where you can usually find me posting lots of pictures of Holden on Instagram (ourdaybydesign) and occasionally blogging at Our Day by Design. I love spending time with my family & friends and seeing the world.

Animal Kingdom - Dec 2013

-What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?

I was at school with my husband Graham then we got together in June 2003. We bought a flat in Edinburgh and moved in together in February 2007, got engaged in September 2008, married in April 2010 and had Holden in February 2012. Last year we sold our flat then bought a new house out of the city.

Our Wedding - 3rd April 2010

After high school, I went to University for 6 years to study Architecture. After I had completed my 2 degrees, I got a job in an Architect’s office where I gained the experience needed to sit my professional exams. I became an Architect in March 2009 and then after getting made redundant in March 2010 (4 weeks before our wedding) I got a job with another practice and I’ve been there ever since. After having Holden I took 13 months of maternity leave then went back to work part time in February 2013. I currently work 3 days a week, Monday to Wednesday. My parents look after Holden on a Monday then he goes to nursery (daycare) for the other 2 days. Just after I went back to work we sold our flat and had to move in with my parents for 5 months while we waited for our new house to be built. We moved in to our house in August 2013 and have loved having a lot more space for us all, and a little garden.

Holden's Birth - 1st Feb 2012

-What are the best parts of your situations? What are the challenges?

I think I have the perfect balance of working 3 days a week but still plenty of time at home with Holden. I could have gone back full time which would give us more income, however by the time we pay for another 2 days of childcare it didn’t seem worth the additional hassle to us.

Australia - Sept 2012

-Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?

I’m not sure I really thought too much about it before we had Holden but I always knew I would want to return to work. I was lucky that my office were really happy for me to return part time, as I’m not sure I would enjoy it quite as much working a full week.

Australia - Sept 2012

-Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?

I think it probably is; I always intended to go back to work, I studied for too long to not use my qualifications, and I love having some adult time as well. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely loved having such a long maternity leave but I also really like being back at work and having the best of both worlds.

Florida - Dec 2013

-Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?

I don’t see myself making a career change in the next few years and I think we will stay with our current set up for quite a while. If we have another child I would probably continue to work part time until they are both at school. At least that’s the theory anyway, I may stay working part time, so it may be a case of carrying on until we want / need more income.

Florida - Dec 2013

-Tips on how you make your situation work for you:

On the two days Holden goes to nursery, my husband gets Holden up and gives him breakfast while I get ready. He then has to leave for work so I get Holden dressed before I take him to his nursery across town, before I have to catch my train in to Edinburgh for work. Sometimes it’s a bit of a rush as we aren’t the best people in the morning but I have a back-up train I can catch to work if necessary and so far I’ve usually managed to get my normal one. As I start a bit later than Graham, I have to work a bit later, so Graham does the pick-up from nursery then he either takes him home to make a start on dinner (if he has his work van that week) or he gets our car from the station before he gets Holden then comes back to pick me up at the station.

Christmas Day 2013

My parents are also a big part of it as they have Holden for one of the days that I am working. This saves us quite a lot of money every month and they love it as they get to spend lots of time with Holden on their own. My parents come and stay at ours every Sunday night so that on a Monday morning they can get Holden up which means for that one morning a week it’s just like it was before we had Holden, which really means sleeping for as long as possible then a rushed shower! My parents are both retired now but when I first went back to work, it was just my dad who looked after Holden. Holden absolutely loves his granddad and even now if he’s around it can’t be mummy or daddy who change nappies (diapers) or help with anything else really.

L-R: My parents with Holden in Bath - Feb 2013; My parents with Holden, my nephew & niece in Disneyland Paris - Feb 2014

While we lived with my parents they were brilliant as they would help me get Holden ready for his days at nursery so it was a bit of a shock to the system when we moved out and it was back to just the 3 of us.

-How do you handle mommy guilt?

I don’t really suffer from mummy guilt; I need & want to work so Holden has to go to nursery. I think it is really good for him too as he gets to mix with loads of other kids his age which will really help when he starts school nursery when he is 3, then actual school when he is 5. Holden has always been a really happy baby / little boy and never had any problem going to other people. We live near both our families (except my sister who is in Australia) which means plenty help or babysitters if we need them. A lot of my friends have children and we all work part time so we see a lot of other kids as well which has also helped. We usually spend one or both of the days I have off at the end of the week meeting up with my friends with children at parks, soft play centres, swimming pools & having lunch. We aren't at home that often. Then at the weekend we do things as a family, which can involve seeing friends or family, going to the zoo, swimming, out for lunch or dinner or visiting new places nearby.

Copenhagen - April 2014

-Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying at home is the right choice?

You can only decide yourself what is right for you and your family and what is important for you. For us we enjoy travelling and taking trips so we always need the extra income I bring in. We've already taken Holden to Australia, Florida, Disneyland Paris and Copenhagen, as well as a few trips within the UK and we are lucky he's been a brilliant traveller. Also you will probably have no idea if you would enjoy being at home until the time comes. We are very lucky here in the UK that we get so long for maternity leave so we get the best of both worlds with seeing them grow in the first 9 months to a year before we have to even think about going back. That definitely lets you see what being a stay at home mum would be like as well. If we have another baby I would probably take just the 9 months off as last time I was able to save beforehand which I probably couldn’t do as well just working part time.

-How do meals work in your family? Meal planning? How often do you grocery shop? Who is in charge of this task in your family?

We are pretty disorganised with meal planning / food shopping and tend to just do it as we need it. My parents are very good to us and organise dinner on the day they have Holden then Graham usually buys what we need on tues / wed then I organise it thurs / fri then we just decide as we go at the weekend. Usually we have at least one meal out at the weekend and quite often I meet friends for lunch on my days off during the week.

-How do you keep your house clean? Power cleaning after bedtime? Staying out of the house as much as possible? Cleaning while kids are awake? Purging often? Cleaning schedule?

I do the kitchen / washing (laundry) / cleaning all the bathrooms and Graham does the hoovering / taking the bins out / cutting the grass. I hate cleaning and would happily pay someone to do it however we would rather have the extra money for holidays. We do pay someone to clean our windows though as we live in a 3 storey townhouse and have a couple of skylights. Holden’s toys always get put away / tidied at the end of each day but a lot of the other stuff gets left to my days off or the weekends or whenever we can be bothered. There is generally always something much more exciting to be done than cleaning!

{Thanks, Gaynor! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}