Yolande

its been 5 days since we arrived home from the hospital.  five days before that we welcomed our precious little man into this world and it still hits me like a ton of bricks about once a day..

we have FOUR kids.

four babes that call me mama.

such a dream come true! and Brady is just the icing on the cake of this crazy party we've got going on over here!

backtracking about 4 months ago, we planned out my third c-section for 39 weeks and one day on March 20th, 2017.  we didn't share the date for a handful of reasons, but it was also sort of up in the air for all of us.  at that point I had severe polyhydramnios.  Brady's kidneys weren't improving much and there were discussions of early delivery if they didn't start to improve (which they did, thank goodness!) AND my most favorite person in the world to walk me through the last two pregnancies and deliveries was out of town for spring break the entire week before we planned to deliver.

I was already having contractions so no one thought we would make it to March 20th.

my OB put me home bound the remaining two weeks leading up to delivery in hopes that I would keep that boy in until she could return and deliver him herself.  

my mom came in town to help me with the girls while Jordan was still working and when Sunday before D-Day came my stomach ebbed and flowed from anxiety to excitement.  

I couldn't believe it was really time.  less than 24 hours we would meet this little boy we have been praying over for the last 9 months.  Sunday morning we got up as we usually do and hit the ground running to make the early service at church.

I had Jordan snap this photo as our last "official" Massey girls picture before baby brother arrived.

I was a weeping mess all day and even looking at this photo as I think out Brady's birth story I'm over here getting so emotional again about it all.

we packed the girls up late that afternoon and dropped them off with Auntie and Uncle J for the next three days before they would go with their BB and Papa and then finally back home to our house with my parents before we would bring home Brady. I usually stay in the hospital for 4 nights and having three kiddos is a long time for anyone so we made plans to house hop with our favorite people.  my mom and I went to dry bar for a blowout and to get pampered a bit in celebration of Brady's birthday (one less thing to worry about in the morning!) before meeting Jordan for dinner and then back home for all the last minute things.. calling it a night around midnight.

we had to be at the hospital at 5:30am for my scheduled surgery at 7:30am.  I had spoken with the anesthesiologist the afternoon before about what to expect, and while I have done this twice before I was still a bit nervous.  I walked into L+D and they were ready for me!  we were directed to an empty recovery room where I changed into a hospital gown and signed about 1800 documents and medical release forms in between blood draws and baby heartbeats on the monitor.  I was definitely already in some form of labor- that needle swiveled like mad as my contractions were monitored over the next two hours before rolling us into the OR.

once we were in the OR, I started to remember the coolness of the room, the nervousness it the pit of my stomach, and the organized busy-ness of people moving around me as they got ready for delivery of our sweet boy.  

and then came the nausea.  my blood pressure kind of hangs out around 96/60, as it has my entire life, so in these kind of situations I get nauseous and require a blood pressure boost here and there to make  me feel "normal" and less nauseous.  well as normal as you could probably feel in this situation.  surgery started and everything happened SO fast! 

in all those forms I signed before surgery, the one that was the hardest to sign was consent for Dr. Walsh to complete a tubal ligation.  she actually removes the tubes all together rather than just 'ties' them..so my only chance of being able to get pregnant again would be through IVF.

at this point she has leaned her head over the blue screen about 15 times to ask me to make SURE this is what I wanted. 

Jordan and I had talked it out over the course of this pregnancy and while I have such a hard time  with the permanency of this procedure, we are pretty well set on this being our last biological babe.

Walsh and her assistants chatted away about her vacation and she peeked over again to assure me that their small talk meant that everything is going perfect!

the nurses came around the curtain and gave us a peek at our sweet babe before they took him to the warmer.  right at this moment Walsh stuck her head down and said "its okay if you dont want to do this..your call girlfriend"  well, I'm bawling at this point and literally in the highest emotional state you could possibly be. and according to Walsh I have zero scar tissue so a fourth cesarean would be entirely safe, IF that was in the cards for us.  

"dont do it."  

Walsh grinned from ear to ear and we both looked at Jordan.. "sorry babe.  I just cant."

of course he was in tears at this point as well, so he just grabbed my face and said "its okay!"  

the next 48 hours were absolutely horrible.

I dont do pain meds very well, I don't even take tylenol well!  usually the anesthesia makes me a tiny bit nauseous after delivery, but this time around was so much different. I honestly felt like I was overdosed on pain medication.  probably a normal dose for anyone else, but for me I just couldn't hand it.  I threw up for about 48 hours post-op- I couldn't handle even sips of water or ice chips.

if you have had a c-section or abdominal surgery before you can imagine the discomfort this brought!  they were pumping me with anti nausea medication through my IV and trying their best to get my nausea under control.  I ended up having a panic attack on Monday night because I was in so much pain.  nausea + trapped gas was making it hard and painful to breathe and I just lost it.

I hadn't slept in 24 hours.  finally after two days of this they gave me a shot of phenergan and I passed out for the rest of Tuesday afternoon. that ultimately got me over the hump to be able to drink enough water for them to stop my IV drips and I held down a meal on Tuesday night. 

all along Brady was just as sweet as can be.  in between the nausea and pain my time with this sweet tiny one was so special.  

once I was finally feeling better I got the last of the terrible IV lines out of my hands.

I was free!  but you guys, the most pain I have ever felt!  I couldn't get out of bed without Jordan lifting me and getting me to my feet.. and showers consisted of Jordan holding me up while I attempted to wash my body.  not even with the twins' delivery did I feel this deconditioned.

we ended up in the hospital for 5 days and even on the early morning of that last day I was questioning my abilities to make it home. I had no chance of "weaning" off the pain meds a bit before going home.. I was still getting them around the clock.  I could hardly tolerate moving or even walking the halls.  

but we made it home with this little guy.  his perfect little life brought into this world.  

having a fourth baby in this house along with his big sisters- that reality has still has hardly set in:)